PAC X: "Ohhh! You shameless no-account twerp!"
by Thomas M. Kelly © 2013
SUPER
Political Action Comedy
"SUPER PAC"
A series of ten + minute plays
by Thomas M. Kelly & Seamus O'Shea.
Comments on the politics of the times.
A series of ten ± minute plays.
Comments on the politics of our times.
Characters:
WHAMor: Wobble Head Assemblage & Marketing Creator and Lord of the world of Political Wobble Heads®™ .
Wobble Head Rules:
Wobble Heads have labels "Made in China" on there backside.
Wobble Heads do not walk, they wobble side to side, and turn in place by wobbling.
Only the head on all models of the Wobble Head moves. The arms and legs are rigidly placed by their sides.
Wobble Heads are created by The Wobble Head Assemblage and Marketing, "WHAM" or "WHAMor" for short and staff of Wobble Head makers.
Set:
On a storage shelf labeled "Wobble Heads: Old and New" in the Wobble Head Warehouse Outlet
PAC X: "Ohhh! You shameless no-account twerp!"
(Wobble Heads on stage;
WHAMor, voice over;
Hillary Clinton, Secretary of State;
John McCain, Senator, Arizona, vindictive leader of "sheep led to slaughter" by the Republican Party on the floor of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee hearing;
Ron Johnson, Senator, Wisconsin, another sheep led to slaughter, gets his law-making parts handed to him;
Rand Paul, Senator, Kentucky, another "sheep led to slaughter".)
WHAMor (v.o.)
This hearing of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee will come to order with a statement by our Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton.
Hillary Clinton
... In conclusion Senators, the Obama administration did not try to mislead the American people about the cause of the attacks. Nothing could be further from the truth.
Sen. Ron Johnson
Baaa, Baaa, Baaa. Madam Secretary, do you agree with me that a simple phone call to those evacuees to determine what happened would have ascertained immediately that there was no protest? Baaa, Baaaa, Baaa.
Hillary Clinton
With all due respect, you lightweight Tea Party-ite, the fact is we had four dead Americans (Raising her voice at Johnson who continued to attempt interrupt her.) Was it because of a protest or was it because of guys out for a walk one night who decided to kill some Americans? What difference, at this point, does it make? It is our job to figure out what happened and do everything we can to prevent it from ever happening again, Senator.
Sen. John McCain
Baaa, Baaa, Baaa. Madame Secretary. I am still bitter that my attempt to gin up outrage over the Obama administration's response to the attack on the Benghazi consulate—to help my pal Mitt Romney win the election—was a complete failure. I would like to begin by complaining about your manhandling of Sen. Johnson here today. Baaa, Baaaa, Baaa.
Hillary Clinton
Senator Johnson is a big boy. I beat him up pretty good today. He took it well enough.
Sen. John McCain
Baaa, Baaaa, Baaa. Well, Madam Secretary, I'm a bigger boy. Baaa, Baaa, Baaa.
Hillary Clinton
Senator need I remind you that Mr. Obama soundly defeated you in an election four years ago. Mr. Obama also defeated your 'Mittster' just a few months ago. Your credibility was and is still called into question with your choice of Mrs. Palin as your running mate and your choice of backing an inept liar as Mr. Obama's replacement.
Sen. John McCain
Baaa, Baaa, Baaa. Madame Secretary, please we shouldn't get personal in these hallowed chambers. Baaa, Baaa, Baaa.
Hillary Clinton
You chose the weapons Senator, I'll choose my type of ammunition. These sharp sheers will do. Thank you.
Sen. John McCain
Baaa, Baaa, Baaa. Indeed, Madam Secretary. We are proud of you. All over the world you are viewed with admiration and respect.
Hillary Clinton
Flattery will get you no where, Senator.
Sen. John McCain
Baaa, Baaa, Baaa. flattery not intended, Madam Secretary. The compliment was meant for the television audience. Moving on, there are many questions that are unanswered and the answers you’ve given this morning are frankly not satisfactory to me. I call into question your response to Senator Johnson about whether it was a spontaneous demonstration or not, saying it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter how these people died? Baaa, Baaa, Baaa.
Hillary Clinton
That was really a stunning lie and misquote of my words, Senator. Let me repeat: What matters is this: Was it because of a protest or was it because of guys out for a walk one night who decided that they’d they go kill some Americans? What difference at this point does it make?
Sen. John McCain
Baaa, Baaa, Baaa. Let me think about those queries for a moment. I don't do abstract queries to well since my Vietnam days. And I'm getting old. (Pause.) Yes. I think it does matter. (Pause.) Are we talkin' apples or oranges? (Pause.) No. I guess you're right. It doesn't matter. It really doesn't matter, does it? I think it's past my nap time. Baaa, Baaa, Baaa.
Hillary Clinton
Of course it matters, you moron. Have you no compassion, Senator? No empathy? It matters for a whole lot of reasons. It matters to the families of the four men who were killed. They have repeatedly requested that you not politicize this tragic event. And yet, you continue, because your image gets into the media. And it matters to the American people who deserve to be told the truth and the truth is in the classified portions of the Accountability Review Board, had you taken the time and attempted to read it.
Sen. Rand Paul
Baaa, Baaa, Baaa. He's asleep, Madam Secretary. Can we get back to the issue here? Baaa, Baaa, Baaa.
Hillary Clinton
Your turn Randie boy. Give it your best. As I have said many times since September 11, 2011, I take responsibility. Nobody is more committed to getting this right. I am determined to leave the State Department and our country safer, stronger, and more secure than when I found it.
Sen. Rand Paul
Baaa, Baaa, Baaa. With all due respect, Madam Secretary, I’m glad that you’re accepting responsibility. I think that ultimately with your leaving, you accept the culpability for the worst tragedy since 9/11, and I really mean .... . Baaa, Baaa, Baaa.
Hillary Clinton
Senator, Adam Lanza armed himself with a Bushmaster semiautomatic rifle and hundreds of bullets on Dec. 14, 2013. Before he entered the Newtown Connecticut school he did one more thing. He put in a pair of earplugs so he wouldn't hear the anguished screams of the twenty babies and six innocent adults he would be killing. Every killing is the worst since 9/11.
Sen. Rand Paul
Baaa, Baaa, Baaa. Excuse me Madam Secretary, your deflecting the issue.... Had I been president at the time and I found that you did not read the cables from Benghazi, you did not read the cables from Ambassador Stevens, I would have relieved you of your post. Baaa, Baaa, Baaa.
Hillary Clinton
Ohhh! "Snidley Whiplash", himself!* You little no-account yearling! You are a man of exotic opinions of yourself. You as our president? I don't think so. You or any of your ilk will never be president of these United States. Do you know what disorderly conduct and assault on a female by aggressive physical force is? Ask your son. Ask him where he picked up that little exercise of free will.
Sen. Rand Paul (Weeping.)
Baaa, Baaa, Baaa. But Daddy said.... . Baaa, Baaa, Baaa.
Hillary Clinton
I believe in taking responsibility, and I have done so. I'm finised with you, Senator. You're not worth wasting my breath.
(End)
*The Grio's Joy Reid on NBC's Hardball
