PAC XIII: "God uses the good ones: The bad ones use God."*
by Thomas M. Kelly © 2013
*Davis Grubb, "Fools Parade"
SUPER Political Action Comedy
"SUPER PAC"
A series of ten + minute plays by Thomas M. Kelly & Seamus O'Shea.
Comments on the politics of the times.
Wobble Heads on stage: Paul Ryan, Eric Cantor, Ted Cruz, Rand Paul and Mitch McConnell.
WHAMor: (v.o.)
Good evening ladies and gentlemen and welcome to the KWOS (Under Construction) politics of the day forum. Yes, it's Word on the Street where sometimes the news is knowledgeable but most of the time... well, it's not. Tonight is no exception. Our guests tonight are Paul Ryan, Ted Cruz, Rick Santorum and Mitch McConnell: Whom the Democrats like to call the real "whack jobs or whackos of the Republican Party".
(To the Green Room.) Yo, Clint, please escort our guests into the studio. You won't need your most powerful handgun in the western world.
(Enter wobbling Paul Ryan, Eric Cantor, Ted Cruz, Mitch McConnell.)
Paul Ryan, Eric Cantor, Ted Cruz, Rick Santorum, Mitch McConnell: (In concert.)
Ted Cruz: At a minimum, in my judgment, Obamacare should not be funded!
Rick Santorum: There is some low-hanging fruit! We're learning to love Sequestration!
Paul Ryan: Here's your copy of “The Path to Prosperity”! I have one or two for everybody! Need more? Let me know.
Ted Cruz: Does the president have the power to authorize a drone strike against a U.S. citizen on U.S. soil, and without trial?!
Mitch McConnell: The single most important thing we want to achieve is for President Obama to be a one-term president.
WHAMor: (v.o.)
Gentlemen... Gentlemen... (Surprised.) Mr. Cantor, you were not invited on tonight's show. We had you scheduled for a week from today.
Eric Cantor:
I'm standing in for Rand Paul. He's still recovering from his thirteen hour filibuster.
WHAMor: (v.o.)
That'll work! Now, gentlemen, you were invited on our show knowing full well our modus operandi and the consequences of your appearance and decorum, rather your ... uh... behavior. It is not our intent to make fools of you. You do that well enough on your own. All we do is cruise the internet for material. My first question is to you Mr. Ryan.
Paul Ryan:
Bring it on!
WHAMor: (v.o.)
Senate Republicans supported legislation proposed by your freshman Senator Cruz to defund Obamacare — the 35th attempt, give or take, to abolish the program. This one failed, like all the others. Doing the same thing again and again and expecting a different result, it has been said, defines insanity. Why? Mr. Ryan? Why are you doing this? The Supreme Court has upheld the legislation in an opinion written by the conservative chief justice, John Roberts.
Rick Santorum:
I can answer that for you, Paul. We have a president who, for the first time in American history, is directly assaulting the First Amendment and freedom of religion. He is going to tell you what to do in the practice of your faith. He is forcing business people right now to do things that are against their conscience, that they will have to -- if you're a Catholic -- you’ll have to go to confession … to confess that you are complying with a government program that is a sin in the Catholic church.
WHAMor: (v.o.)
So you're saying ... .
Paul Ryan:
He's saying that as Catholics, Obamacare interferes with our freedom to exercise my religion.
I say at a minimum, in my judgment, Obamacare should not be funded! Regardless of what the Supremes say.
WHAMor: (v.o.)
You would defy the law.
Mitch McConnell:
The single most important thing we want to achieve is for President Obama to be a one-term president. By stopping Obama at every attempt to create his immortal legacy, we are achieving the true Republican..., the end justifies the means.
WHAMor: (v.o.)
What! Morally wrong actions are sometimes necessary to achieve morally right outcomes!? Are you saying...? Am I hearing you correctly? Actions can only be considered morally right by virtue of the morality of the outcome?
Eric Cantor:
What about Obama's drone policy...
WHAMor: (v.o. Interrupting.)
I ask the questions on this show, Mr. Cantor.
Eric Cantor:
It's House Majority Leader Representative Eric Cantor, ... .
WHAMor: (v.o. Interrupting.)
Whatever. Senator Cruz, query: Senate Democrats are mocking House Budget Committee Chairman Paul Ryan's budget plan as "hocus pocus," charging it will actually either explode the deficit or heavily tax the middle class. on. Tax Policy Center analysis found the proposals of Mitt Romney and Ryan in the grand old humorous days of the presidential race that cutting top rates from 36 percent to 25 percent would add 4.5 trillion dollars more to the deficit. Senator Cruz, how do you feel about Mr. Ryan's “The Path to Prosperity”.
Mitch McConnell, Rick Santorum: (In concert.)
I can answer that! It's my turn, Ricky!
WHAMor: (v.o.)
But I asked Senator Cruz!
Mitch McConnell:
The single most important thing we want to achieve is for President Obama to be a one-term president. By stopping Obama at every attempt to create his immortal legacy, we are achieving the true Republican agenda.
Rick Santorum:
What a snob! I am getting so sick of your repetitive inane response, Mitch. Who ca... .
Paul Ryan: (Interrupting.)
I have three certainties in my life -- death, taxes and liberal attacks from Paul Krugman. It's something I've come to realize. As a Keynesian, which is what Krugman would call himself, he believes in the constant pumping of the prime. Just spending more money to grow the economy. He believes that if you spend more money, it produces more than a dollar's worth of economic growth for every dollar you spend.
Ted Cruz: (Hautily.)
The moderator's statement and question were for me. I may be a freshman, but I can answer for myself. I'm with whatever Paul, what's-his-name said. He's a Republican. Wasn't he a nominee for Vice President with George Romney?
Eric Cantor:
Can we get back to Rand's Filibuster and the President's drones against us as American citizens? I feel like I'm wasting my time here.
WHAMor: (v.o.)
I'm the director here, Mr. Cantor. You just have to respond for Rand Paul. You don't have an opinion or a topic of your own?
Ted Cruz:
Of course he does. He's Senate minority leader. You don't get to be Senate Minority leader without... .
Eric Cantor: (Interrupting.)
Actually, Ted, I'm House Majority Leader. We have a majority in the House of Representatives. You're in the Senate. You're in the minority up there. I guess we don't talk much, huh?
WHAMor: (v.o.)
I thought Mr. Holder cleared up that drone issue? American citizen's as targets?
Ted Cruz:
Actually, he didn't. We don't believe him. We think Mr. Obama has a different agenda and plan for us Republicans.
WHAMor: (v.o.)
Are you saying that Mr. Obama, given the nearest opportunity, will be targeting Whacko Bird Republicans such as yourself?
Rick Santorum:
It would go against Catholic Church Doctrine to target Evangelist Republicans who may not believe that Allah is Almighty.
Paul Ryan:
You're even more whacko than that whack job, "victims of legitimate rape rarely get pregnant" Akin.
Rick Santorum:
God will punish you! You know, we believe that life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness come from almighty God, not an almighty government ... and we believe that the Constitution is not a list of suggestions.
WHAMor: (v.o.)
Moving on gentlemen. Mr. McConnell. Query.
Mitch McConnell:
By stopping Obama at every attempt to create his immortal legacy, we are achieving the true Republican agenda. The single most important thing we Republicans want to achieve is for President Obama to be a one-term president.
WHAMor: (v.o.)
With that final comment, ladies and gentlemen, that concludes our show Word on the Street for tonight. From the studio of KWOS, where sometimes the news is knowledgeable but most of the time... well, it's not. Tonight's show was no exception.
Good night and good intelligent news from some other station.
(Lights down.)
END
by Thomas M. Kelly © 2013
*Davis Grubb, "Fools Parade"
SUPER Political Action Comedy
"SUPER PAC"
A series of ten + minute plays by Thomas M. Kelly & Seamus O'Shea.
Comments on the politics of the times.
Wobble Heads on stage: Paul Ryan, Eric Cantor, Ted Cruz, Rand Paul and Mitch McConnell.
WHAMor: (v.o.)
Good evening ladies and gentlemen and welcome to the KWOS (Under Construction) politics of the day forum. Yes, it's Word on the Street where sometimes the news is knowledgeable but most of the time... well, it's not. Tonight is no exception. Our guests tonight are Paul Ryan, Ted Cruz, Rick Santorum and Mitch McConnell: Whom the Democrats like to call the real "whack jobs or whackos of the Republican Party".
(To the Green Room.) Yo, Clint, please escort our guests into the studio. You won't need your most powerful handgun in the western world.
(Enter wobbling Paul Ryan, Eric Cantor, Ted Cruz, Mitch McConnell.)
Paul Ryan, Eric Cantor, Ted Cruz, Rick Santorum, Mitch McConnell: (In concert.)
Ted Cruz: At a minimum, in my judgment, Obamacare should not be funded!
Rick Santorum: There is some low-hanging fruit! We're learning to love Sequestration!
Rick Santorum: There is some low-hanging fruit! We're learning to love Sequestration!
Paul Ryan: Here's your copy of “The Path to Prosperity”! I have one or two for everybody! Need more? Let me know.
Mitch McConnell: The single most important thing we want to achieve is for President Obama to be a one-term president.
WHAMor: (v.o.)
Gentlemen... Gentlemen... (Surprised.) Mr. Cantor, you were not invited on tonight's show. We had you scheduled for a week from today.
Eric Cantor:
I'm standing in for Rand Paul. He's still recovering from his thirteen hour filibuster.
WHAMor: (v.o.)
That'll work! Now, gentlemen, you were invited on our show knowing full well our modus operandi and the consequences of your appearance and decorum, rather your ... uh... behavior. It is not our intent to make fools of you. You do that well enough on your own. All we do is cruise the internet for material. My first question is to you Mr. Ryan.
Paul Ryan:
Bring it on!
WHAMor: (v.o.)
Senate Republicans supported legislation proposed by your freshman Senator Cruz to defund Obamacare — the 35th attempt, give or take, to abolish the program. This one failed, like all the others. Doing the same thing again and again and expecting a different result, it has been said, defines insanity. Why? Mr. Ryan? Why are you doing this? The Supreme Court has upheld the legislation in an opinion written by the conservative chief justice, John Roberts.
I can answer that for you, Paul. We have a president who, for the first time in American history, is directly assaulting the First Amendment and freedom of religion. He is going to tell you what to do in the practice of your faith. He is forcing business people right now to do things that are against their conscience, that they will have to -- if you're a Catholic -- you’ll have to go to confession … to confess that you are complying with a government program that is a sin in the Catholic church.
WHAMor: (v.o.)
So you're saying ... .
Paul Ryan:
He's saying that as Catholics, Obamacare interferes with our freedom to exercise my religion.
I say at a minimum, in my judgment, Obamacare should not be funded! Regardless of what the Supremes say.
WHAMor: (v.o.)
You would defy the law.
Mitch McConnell:
WHAMor: (v.o.)
What! Morally wrong actions are sometimes necessary to achieve morally right outcomes!? Are you saying...? Am I hearing you correctly? Actions can only be considered morally right by virtue of the morality of the outcome?
Eric Cantor:
What about Obama's drone policy...
WHAMor: (v.o. Interrupting.)
I ask the questions on this show, Mr. Cantor.
Eric Cantor:
It's House Majority Leader Representative Eric Cantor, ... .
WHAMor: (v.o. Interrupting.)
Whatever. Senator Cruz, query: Senate Democrats are mocking House Budget Committee Chairman Paul Ryan's budget plan as "hocus pocus," charging it will actually either explode the deficit or heavily tax the middle class. on. Tax Policy Center analysis found the proposals of Mitt Romney and Ryan in the grand old humorous days of the presidential race that cutting top rates from 36 percent to 25 percent would add 4.5 trillion dollars more to the deficit. Senator Cruz, how do you feel about Mr. Ryan's “The Path to Prosperity”.
Mitch McConnell, Rick Santorum: (In concert.)
I can answer that! It's my turn, Ricky!
WHAMor: (v.o.)
But I asked Senator Cruz!
Mitch McConnell:
The single most important thing we want to achieve is for President Obama to be a one-term president. By stopping Obama at every attempt to create his immortal legacy, we are achieving the true Republican agenda.
Rick Santorum:
What a snob! I am getting so sick of your repetitive inane response, Mitch. Who ca... .
Paul Ryan: (Interrupting.)
I have three certainties in my life -- death, taxes and liberal attacks from Paul Krugman. It's something I've come to realize. As a Keynesian, which is what Krugman would call himself, he believes in the constant pumping of the prime. Just spending more money to grow the economy. He believes that if you spend more money, it produces more than a dollar's worth of economic growth for every dollar you spend.
Ted Cruz: (Hautily.)
The moderator's statement and question were for me. I may be a freshman, but I can answer for myself. I'm with whatever Paul, what's-his-name said. He's a Republican. Wasn't he a nominee for Vice President with George Romney?
Eric Cantor:
Can we get back to Rand's Filibuster and the President's drones against us as American citizens? I feel like I'm wasting my time here.
WHAMor: (v.o.)
I'm the director here, Mr. Cantor. You just have to respond for Rand Paul. You don't have an opinion or a topic of your own?
Ted Cruz:
Of course he does. He's Senate minority leader. You don't get to be Senate Minority leader without... .
Actually, Ted, I'm House Majority Leader. We have a majority in the House of Representatives. You're in the Senate. You're in the minority up there. I guess we don't talk much, huh?
WHAMor: (v.o.)
I thought Mr. Holder cleared up that drone issue? American citizen's as targets?
Ted Cruz:
Actually, he didn't. We don't believe him. We think Mr. Obama has a different agenda and plan for us Republicans.
WHAMor: (v.o.)
Are you saying that Mr. Obama, given the nearest opportunity, will be targeting Whacko Bird Republicans such as yourself?
Rick Santorum:
It would go against Catholic Church Doctrine to target Evangelist Republicans who may not believe that Allah is Almighty.
Paul Ryan:
You're even more whacko than that whack job, "victims of legitimate rape rarely get pregnant" Akin.
Rick Santorum:
God will punish you! You know, we believe that life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness come from almighty God, not an almighty government ... and we believe that the Constitution is not a list of suggestions.
WHAMor: (v.o.)
Moving on gentlemen. Mr. McConnell. Query.
Mitch McConnell:
By stopping Obama at every attempt to create his immortal legacy, we are achieving the true Republican agenda. The single most important thing we Republicans want to achieve is for President Obama to be a one-term president.
WHAMor: (v.o.)
With that final comment, ladies and gentlemen, that concludes our show Word on the Street for tonight. From the studio of KWOS, where sometimes the news is knowledgeable but most of the time... well, it's not. Tonight's show was no exception.
Good night and good intelligent news from some other station.
(Lights down.)
END
