Saturday, November 3, 2012


PAC VIII The Taradiddlers 
by Thomas M. Kelly © 2012


SUPER  
Political Action Comedy
"SUPER PAC" 
A series of ten + minute plays 
by Thomas M. Kelly & Seamus O'Shea.

Comments on the politics of the times: 
Before and after the 2012 Elections in theatrical format.

Characters: 

WHAMor:  Wobble Head Assemblage & Marketing Creator and Lord of the world of Political Wobble Heads®™, Barack Obama, Mitt Romney, Paul Ryan(where ever Mitt Romney & Paul Ryan wobble they wobble backward or side to side weaving and bobbing), Bill Clinton, Beebee Netanyahu, Bella Abzug, JFK, FDR, LBJ, HST, Sir Winston, Teddy Roosevelt, Sarah Palin, Hilary Clinton, Harry Reid, Dickie Cheeeney, Joe Biden, Karl Rove, Anne Romney, Claire McCaskill, Clint Eastwood, Todd Akin. Gabriel Gomez, John Soltz, Rudy Giuliani, Stephanie Cutter, John Bolton, Reince Priebus, Jim DeMint, Bill Kristol, Donald Rumsfeld, John Huntsman, Liz Cheeeney, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. (Any such as the establishment so chooses.)
Premise:
Wobble Head Rules:
Wobble Heads have labels "Made in China" on their backside.
Wobble Heads do not walk, they wobble side to side, and turn in place by wobbling.
Only the head on all models of the Wobble Head moves.  The arms and legs are rigidly placed by their sides.
Wobble Heads are created by The Wobble Head Assemblage and Marketing, "WHAM" or "WHAMor" for short and staff of Wobble Head makers.
Set:
On a storage shelf labeled "Wobble Heads: Old and New" in the Wobble Head Warehouse Outlet.
No more than five actors on stage at one time.  All other Wobble Heads do not speak unless spoken to.

PAC VIII: The Taradiddlers 
by Thomas M. Kelly © 2012

(Taradiddle: a petty lie or pretentious nonsense.)

(Wobble Heads® s on stage: Mitt Romney, Dickie Cheeeney, Paul Ryan, Mitt Romney and Reince Priebus whose arms are bent at the elbow and swing up to his ears, alternating to his eyes at times.)

Reince Priebus
If I am asked at this Congressional hearing about the discussion of your taxes at our election strategy meetings, I have to tell the truth.  Don't I?
Paul Ryan
It's not going to get that far, but a little story wouldn't be all that bad if needed or required.
Mitt Romney
Reinhold.  I am the President.  You will have the added insurance of Presidential, Executive Immunity.  We all love insurance.  Don't we?  except for ObamaCare.
Reince Priebus
It's Reince, sir.
Paul Ryan
Besides, Reenie, what's a tiny white lie now and then.
Reince Priebus
It's Reince, Paul.  I didn't hear that!  La, La, La, La, La, La, La, taradiddle, taradiddle.
Dickie Cheeeney
Taradiddle?
Reince Priebus
A petty lie.
Dickie Cheeeney
We'll put such a spin on your "taradiddle", Prince, that you won't know the tommyrot from the bilge-water.
Reince Priebus
It's Ree-ince!  I didn't hear that!  La, La, La, La, La, La, La, taradiddle, taradiddle.
Paul Ryan  (Interrupting. Over-speaking.)
Will you knock off the song and dance, Reenie.  We were all dedicated to a cock-and-bull story to get that remaining six percent.
Reince Priebus  (Interrupting. Over-speaking.)
It's Reeee-ince!  No!  I don't want to hear that!  La, La, La, La, La, La, La, taradiddle, taradiddle.
Paul Ryan
But, you know there is the Church to think of, Mittster.
Reince Priebus
What about the Church?
Dickie Cheeeney
Yeah, what about the church, Preebie?
Mitt Romney
Reinhold?  Are you worried about the tithing bit?
Reince Priebus
It's Reee-ince Preee-bus.  Please!  Not Reinhold!  Not Preebie!  I didn't hear that!  La, La, La, La, La, La, La, taradiddle, taradiddle.
Paul Ryan
Not a problem.  We're talking about the Mittster.  The Bishop of Boston.  The Stake President of Belmont, Mass.  The King of Bain, the Capitol of Tuff-Moola.
Mitt Romney
That's Bain Capitol.  (To Reince Priebus.)  Reinhold.  They're just happy to get what I decide to give them.  God I love capitalism.
Reince Priebus
Please!  It's Reee-nce.  I didn't hear that!  La, La, La, La, La, La, La, taradiddle, taradiddle.
Dickie Cheeeney
Yeah, Preencee, whatever twaddle or hokum we ... er... The Mittster decides...
Reince Priebus  
Preee-ince!  I didn't hear that!  La, La, La, La, La, La, La, taradiddle, taradiddle.
Mitt Romney
Oh don't worry so much Reinhold.  With the more than 250 million I have stashed away, life is just a fairytale anyway you look at it.  God I love being an American!
Reince Priebus
I give up.
Mitt Romney 
Ann is happy with her Cadillacs.  Did I tell you they each have their own elevator with washroom.  She even has an Escalade so she can go visit Rafalca!  God she loves that horse and her Cadillacs.
Dick Cheeeney  (Aside to Mitt Romney.)
I heard last night that they have pierced international bank secrecy laws, and were making a serious dent in offshore tax evasion.  Did you get caught yet?
Reince Priebus
I don't want to hear that!  La, La, La, La, La, La, La, taradiddle, taradiddle.
Mitt Romney
Oh, shut up, Reinhold!  You ninny!  What's a little inventive tax evasion among non-taxpayers?
Reince Priebus
Oh, god.  Here we go again.  I didn't hear that!  La, La, La, La, La, La, La, taradiddle, taradiddle.
Paul Ryan
Ah, humbug, Preenie!  We're in the White House aren't we?
Mitt Romney
Taxpayers are envious and drooling at the amount of wealth I have been able to hoard.  God I love not paying my fair share!
Reince Priebus
Chris "Hardball" was right!  Garbage!  I don't want to hear it!  La, La, La, La, La, La, La, taradiddle, taradiddle.
Dickie Cheeeney
How much did those fabricating inventive legalizers get, Mittster?
Mitt Romney
A minor amount.  I was able to move my accounts before they glommed on to it and levied against it.
Paul Ryan
Where did you move them, Mittster?
Mitt Romney
China.
Dickie Cheeeney
Brilliant idea, Mr. President..At what inter...? 
Reince Priebus  (Interrupting.)
China!  Why China?  No!  No!  I don't....
Mitt Romney  (Interrupting.)
On the condition that they lend it back to us...
Reince Priebus  (Interrupting.)
I don't want hear it!  La, La, La, La, La, La, La, taradiddle, taradiddle.
Paul Ryan  (Interrupting.)
Beautiful, Mittster!  What's the interest rate?
Mitt Romney  (Smiling broadly.)
You don't want to know.
Reince Priebus  (Closing his eyes mechanically and covering his ears.)
I didn't see or hear that!  La, La, La, La, La, La, La, taradiddle, taradiddle.
Paul Ryan
But I have constituents who want to know!
Dickie Cheeeney
My closest Idaho hunting buddies and political friends need to have the opport....
Mitt Romney
You are unarmed, aren't you, Dickie?  I wouldn't want any...  you know?
Dickie Cheeeney
Don't worry.  That bulge is because I'm just glad you're President and I'm included... again.  And don't worry about the political fallout.
Mitt Romney 
Oh, I'm not.  Those small-minded people will soon forget.  Give'em a week.  
Dickie Cheeeney
Who cares what the American people want anyhow, right?  
Paul Ryan
They got what we paid for!
Mitt Romney
ME!
Reince Priebus
Oh, my god!  I didn't want to hear that!  La, La, La, La, La, La, La, taradiddle, taradiddle.
Mitt Romney 
Reinhold!  You contributed your share of falsehoods, tosh, fictitiousness,... 
Reince Priebus  (Interrupting.)
... Tosh?
Dickie Cheeeney
You know... rubbish, twaddle, fabrications, evasiveness, lying dishonesty, deceitfulness, half-truths, exaggerations, tall tales and humbug.
Reince Priebus  (Interrupting.  Loudly.)
La, La, La, La, La, La, La!  Taradiddle!  Taradiddle!
Paul Ryan
We warned you not to go on "Morning Joe".  Ole' "Hardball" Wallace pinned your nose to the wall.  Didn't he?  Garbage!  Rubbish!  Tosh!
Dickie Cheeeney  (Over-speaking.)
Don't lie now Preenie.  Remember Pinocchio?
Reince Priebus  (Interrupting.  Loudly.)
La, La, La, La, La, La, La!  Taradiddle!  Taradiddle!
Mitt Romney
Fellas!  Fellas!  I gotta' be honest with you.  For once I am going to tell the truth.  Yes, I didn't pay all my taxes while my money was vacationing in Switzerland.  God I love capitalism.  And I short-changed my fellow worshippers, by millions of dollars.  God I love my Mormonism.  They're as big as the Catholic's now.  OK!  OK! I lied.
Reince Priebus
I didn't hear that!  La, La, La, La, La, La, La, taradiddle, taradiddle, taradiddle, taradiddle.
Dickie Cheeeney, Paul Ryan & Reince Priebus
La, La, La, La, La, La, La.  Taradiddle, taradiddle.
La, La, La, La, La, La, La.  Taradiddle, taradiddle.
Mitt Romney
Ah' like wearin' ma' jeans.  Lookin' and' feelin' like local yokel folk.    Ah' like that all the trees are the same height.  And all the water is so blue and pure.  And I have ma' own legitimate birth certificate.
Dickie Cheeeney, Paul Ryan & Reince Priebus 
La, La, La, La, La, La, La.  Taradiddle, taradiddle.
La, La, La, La, La, La, La.  Taradiddle, taradiddle.
Mitt Romney
I lied: Israel’s GDP per capita was $31,000 in 2011 not $21,000 and Palestinians’ per capita GDP was just $1,500 not $10,000.  I just got my numbers transposed.  I think.  Don't you?
Dickie Cheeeney, Paul Ryan & Reince Priebus
La, La, La, La, La, La, La.  Taradiddle, taradiddle.
La, La, La, La, La, La, La.  Taradiddle, taradiddle.
Mitt Romney
A couple more things fellas.  I like ObamaCare.  Barack is a good and decent man.  He complimented me by copying my Massachusetts plan.  As a matter of fact I like Obama.  But then I prevaricate 'n' move around quite a bit.  Dodge.  Evade.  Who was it that said, "Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee."?Dickie Cheeeney, Paul Ryan & Reince Priebus
La, La, La, La, La, La, La.  Taradiddle, taradiddle.
La, La, La, La, La, La, La.  Taradiddle, taradiddle.
Mitt Romney
Now the humdinger!  I was never a Republican.  Nope.  I like being a RINO.  I prefer being called a GECKO.  We tend to blend in with the background.
Dickie Cheeeney, Paul Ryan & Reince Priebus
La, La, La, La, La, La, La.  Taradiddle, taradiddle.
La, La, La, La, La, La, La.  Taradiddle, taradiddle.
Mitt Romney 
Would you call that deceptive, double-dealing, flimflamming, petty lying or pretentious nonsense or my right under the First Amendment to the U.S. Constitution: Freedom of Speech?
Dickie Cheeeney, Paul Ryan & Reince Priebus
La, La, La, La, La, La, La.  Taradiddle, taradiddle.
La, La, La, La, La, La, La.  Taradiddle, taradiddle.
(Lights down.)
End


The plays, posted here, are available for production.  You may present these plays royalty free, but only with permission of Thomas M. Kelly, in writing.  No performance of his or Seamus O'Shea's plays without first notifying Thomas M. Kelly or Seamus O'Shea.  The play(s) may be produced, performed or read, before an audience, whether an admission fee is charged or not in a community theatre setting.  The above is with the exception of professional theatres:   Professional productions must receive a Professional Royalty Quote from Thomas M. Kelly at tddtheatre@aol.com  OR   Seamus O'Shea at  seamus.oshea@ymail.com  .
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Friday, November 2, 2012

PAC VII  "Obama-Ramas" vs "Mitts Twitts" 
by Thomas M. Kelly © 2012


SUPER  Political Action Comedy
"SUPER PAC" 
A series of ten + minute plays 
by Thomas M. Kelly & Seamus O'Shea.

Comments on the politics of the times: 
Before and after the 2012 Elections in theatrical format.

Characters: 

WHAMor:  Wobble Head Assemblage & Marketing Creator and Lord of the world of Political Wobble Heads®™, Barack Obama, Mitt Romney, Paul Ryan(where ever Mitt Romney & Paul Ryan wobble they wobble backward or side to side weaving and bobbing), Bill Clinton, Beebee Netanyahu, Bella Abzug, JFK, FDR, LBJ, HST, Sir Winston, Teddy Roosevelt, Sarah Palin, Hilary Clinton, Harry Reid, Dickie Cheeeney, Joe Biden, Karl Rove, Anne Romney, Claire McCaskill, Clint Eastwood, Todd Akin. Gabriel Gomez, John Soltz, Rudy Giuliani, Stephanie Cutter, John Bolton, Reince Priebus, Jim DeMint, Bill Kristol, Donald Rumsfeld, John Huntsman, Liz Cheeeney, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. (Any such as the establishment so chooses.)
(Premise:
Wobble Head Rules:
Wobble Heads have labels "Made in China" on their backside.
Wobble Heads do not walk, they wobble side to side, and turn in place by wobbling.
Only the head on all models of the Wobble Head moves.  The arms and legs are rigidly placed by their sides.
Wobble Heads are created by The Wobble Head Assemblage and Marketing creator, "WHAMor" for short and staff of Wobble Head makers.
Set:
On a storage shelf labeled "Wobble Heads: Old and New" in the Wobble Head Warehouse Outlet.
No more than five actors on stage at one time.  All other Wobble Heads do not speak unless spoken to.)



PACV VII:  "Obama-Ramas" vs "Mitts Twitts" 
by Thomas M. Kelly © 2012

(Wobble Heads® on stage: Barack Obama, Michelle Obama, Nancy Pelosi, Hillary Clinton, Mitt Romney, Dickie Cheeeney, Donald Rumsfeld and Karl Rove.)

(Set: Rock Concert: "The WHAM FESTIVAL OF OLDIES".  In the semi-darkness four Wobble Heads®  are preparing to perform.  1950's Pop Music Artist: Mitt Romney and his "Mitt's Twitts", Dickie Cheney, Donnie Rumsfeld and Karl Rove are standing ready to perform.  Off stage preparing to perform after "Mitts Twitts", Soul Music Artist: Barack Obama, and his "Obama-Ramas" Michelle Obama, Nancy Pelosi, and Hillary Clinton are off stage.  
The following dialogue set begins  in the semi-darkness.)



Mitt Romney

Mitt's Twitts, are you ready to blow this audience away?

Mitt's Twitts  (In concert.)

Yes!
Mitt Romney
I can't hear you Mitt's Twitts.  Are you ready to blow this audience away?
Mitt's Twitts  (A little louder.  Not much.)
Yes!
Mitt Romney
What's the matter with you twitts?
Dickie Cheeeney
Thanks to you and your uncontrolled mouth, Mitt, we don't have much of an audience, Mitt.
Mitt Romney  (Searching the semi-darkness of the auditorium.)
Maybe you're right.  It's awful dark out there.  I don't hear them talking ... or breathing.  Don't they know we're The '50's Mitt's Twitts, singing  Pat Boone's hits.  Eddie Fisher, Perry Como, Paul Anka, Bobby Darin,,...
Karl Rove
The Greater Phoenix Tea Party Patriots group has pulled the plug on Pat Boone's Birther Bash due to inadequate ticket sales.  We're doomed.
Donny Rumsfeld
That old school crooner maintains that Obama was born in Africa and has shown the world a photo-shopped fraud.
Dickie Cheeeney
He said he was in Kenya and everybody told him that Obama was born there. He thinks Obama is putting millions towards hiding all of his records and that experts claim his birth certificate a fake.
Mitt Romney
If that is what people want to believe, let them believe it.  Meanwhile, we have a what do you call it?
Mitt's Twitts  (In unison.)
A Gig.
Mitt Romney
Let's sing one of his old tunes to start.
Donnie Rumsfeld
I prefer Perry Como.
Karl Rove
No.  No. No.  Bobby Darin.  A true Viking name.
Donnie Rumsfeld
I don't think Bobby was Norwegian, Karl.
Karl Rove
Of course he was.  Darin.  Stars always change their names, especially if Dybdahl is hard to pronounce.
Dickie Cheeeney
People are always mis-pronouncing my name.  It's Cheeney.  Not Chainey.  After my last DUI I wanted to change my name to John Wayne.
Donnie Rumsfeld
Ride 'em cowboy, huh, Dickie?
Dickie Cheeeney
People who live in glass houses, shouldn't throw stones
Mitt Romney
OK, fellas!  Let's do a little warm-up until the audience get's here.  How about Eddy Fisher's "Oh, Mine Papa."?
Mitt's Twitts
NO!  NO!  NO!
Mitt Romney
What then?
Mitt's Twitts  (In unison.)
Bobby Darin's Splish Splash!  Perry Como's Hot Diggity, Dog Diggity, do what ya' do ta' me!  NO!  NO!  NO!  Paul Anka's You’re Having My Baby.
(Deafening silence.)
Mitt Romney
Who said that?  I'm Mormon!
(Deafening silence.  A bell rings and the storeroom lights go up revealing a set for a Rock Concert.)
Mitt Romney
Ah!  Blinded by the light!  (Mitt Romney shields his eyes until they become accustomed to the glare of the lights.)
Donnie Rumsfeld  (Whispers aloud.)
Mitt.  We have butts in seats.  Look.
WHAMor (v.o.)
Ladies and gentlemen!  Welcome to the WHAM FESTIVAL OF OLDIES, featuring The 1950's Group Mitt's Twitts, singing the hits of  Pat Boone, Eddie Fisher, Perry Como, Paul Anka, Bobby Darin...
Audience  (v.o. prolonged.)
Boo!  Boo!  Boo!  Boo!
WHAMor (v.o.)
Ladies and gentlemen!  Welcome to the WHAM FESTIVAL OF OLDIES,...
Audience  (v.o. drowning out WHAMor.)
Boo!  Boo!  jeers, heckles Boo!  Boo!
WHAMor (v.o.)
Please!  Ladies and gentlemen!  Let them be heard.  Treat them as a warm-up act for the fabulous "Obama Ramas"!
Audience  (v.o. prolonged cheers and stomping from Queen's "We are the champions".)
(v.o. Audience settles down.)
Mitt Romney  (Hesitatingly.)
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen,...
Audience Member (v.o.)
Obama Rama!
Mitt Romney
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, I use the terms lightly.
Audience Member (v.o.)
Boo!  Boo!  Boo!  Boo!
Mitt's Twitts
What the hell are you doing, Mitt?
Mitt Romney
Obviously you want to be rude and crude so I'm gonna' give it right back at you.  Thank you.
Audience  (v.o.)
Cheers!
Mitt Romney
For our opening number we are going to do Don Cherry's Band of Gold.  It's a symbolic piece for us because gold is what we are all about.  Aren't we Mitt's Twitts?
Audience  (v.o.)
Cheers!
Mitt Romney  (Aside to Mitt's Twitts.)
By tomorrow Mitt's Twitts, this audience will have forgotten all about us.  Let's throw some gold at 'em.
(Mitt's Twitts launch into v.o. of Don Cherry's Band of Gold with the audience booing and stomping.  At the end of Mitt's Twitts' piece...)
WHAMor (v.o.)
Ladies and gentlemen!  Let's put 'em together for The '50's Group, Mitt's Twitts and The WHAM FESTIVAL OF OLDIES.
Audience  (v.o. prolonged.)
Cheers, jeers, heckles and boos.
(Mitt's Twitts launch into Tony Bennett's Rags to Riches.)
Audience  (v.o. prolonged.)
Cheers, jeers, heckles and boos.
(Mitt's Twitts stop abruptly Tony Bennett's Rags to Riches and launch into Evis' (Let Me Be Your)Teddy Bear.)
Audience  (v.o. prolonged.)
Cheers, jeers, heckles and boos.
(Mitt's Twitts stop abruptly Evis' (Let Me Be Your)Teddy Bear and launch into  Buddy Holly's It Doesn’t Matter Any More.)
WHAMor (v.o.)
You're right Mitt's Twitts! It doesn’t matter any more!
A-a-a-a-and now!  Ladies and gentlemen!  The Crooner in Chief and the fabulous Obama Ramas.
(Mitt Romney and Mitts Twitts, Dickie Cheeeney Karl Rove Donnie Rumsfeld, struggle/wobble to get off the stage.)
Audience  (v.o.  Cheers!  Cheers!  and more Cheers!)
Barack Obama
Thank you ladies and gentlemen!  Ya' know... Thank you ladies and gentlemen!  Ya' know... I didn't ... I didn't get here on my own! 
Audience  (v.o.)
Cheers!  Cheers!  and more Cheers!
Barack Obama
Thank you ladies and gentlemen!  Thank you!
Audience  (v.o.)
Cheers!  Cheers!  and more Cheers!
Barack Obama
The road leading to this arena and the arena itself were subsidized by you, and me.  American taxpayers....
Audience  (v.o.)
Cheers!  Cheers!  and more Cheers!
(The Obama Ramas wobble forward.)
Barack Obama
I could not have made it this far!  Ladies and gentlemen!  Without my beautiful wife Michelle Obama and my back-up singers the "Obama Ramas"!
Ladies and gentlemen!  Michelle Obama!  
Barack Obama  (Continues.)
Ladies and gentlemen! Nancy Pelosi!
Audience  (v.o. Cheers!  Cheers!  and more Cheers!)
Barack Obama  (Continues.)
Ladies and gentlemen!  Hillary Clinton!
Barack Obama  (Continues. v.o. Cheers!  Cheers!  and more Cheers!)
Ladies and gentlemen!  The Obama Ramas!
(Barack Obama and the Obama Ramas launch into Al Green's Let's Stay Together.)
Audience  (v.o. Cheers!  Cheers!  and more Cheers!)
(Lights down.)
END



The plays, posted here, are available for production.  You may present these plays royalty free, but only with permission of Thomas M. Kelly, in writing.  No performance of his or Seamus O'Shea's plays without first notifying Thomas M. Kelly or Seamus O'Shea.  The play(s) may be produced, performed or read, before an audience, whether an admission fee is charged or not in a community theatre setting.  The above is with the exception of professional theatres:   Professional productions must receive a Professional Royalty Quote from Thomas M. Kelly at tddtheatre@aol.com  OR   Seamus O'Shea at  seamus.oshea@ymail.com  .
Posted by at No comments:
PAC VI  "What's with the chair, Mr. Eastwood?" 
by Thomas M. Kelly 
© 2012 September 2012

SUPER  
Political Action Comedy
"SUPER PAC" 
A series of ten + minute plays 
by Thomas M. Kelly & Seamus O'Shea.

Comments on the politics of the times: 
Before and after the 2012 Elections in theatrical format.

Characters: 

WHAMor:  Wobble Head Assemblage & Marketing Creator and Lord of the world of Political Wobble Heads®™, Barack Obama, Mitt Romney, Paul Ryan(where ever Mitt Romney & Paul Ryan wobble they wobble backward or side to side weaving and bobbing), Bill Clinton, Beebee Netanyahu, Bella Abzug, JFK, FDR, LBJ, HST, Sir Winston, Teddy Roosevelt, Sarah Palin, Hilary Clinton, Harry Reid, Dickie Cheeeney, Joe Biden, Karl Rove, Anne Romney, Claire McCaskill, Clint Eastwood, Todd Akin. Gabriel Gomez, John Soltz, Rudy Giuliani, Stephanie Cutter, John Bolton, Reince Priebus, Jim DeMint, Bill Kristol, Donald Rumsfeld, John Huntsman, Liz Cheeeney, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. (Any such as the establishment so chooses.)
Premise:
Wobble Head Rules:
Wobble Heads have labels "Made in China" on their backside.
Wobble Heads do not walk, they wobble side to side, and turn in place by wobbling.
Only the head on all models of the Wobble Head moves.  The arms and legs are rigidly placed by their sides.
Wobble Heads are created by The Wobble Head Assemblage and Marketing, "WHAM" or "WHAMor" for short and staff of Wobble Head makers.
Set:
On a storage shelf labeled "Wobble Heads: Old and New" in the Wobble Head Warehouse Outlet.
No more than five actors on stage at one time.  All other Wobble Heads do not speak unless spoken to.


PAC VI:  "What's with the chair, Mr. Eastwood?" 
by Thomas M. Kelly 

© 2012 September 2012


(Wobble Heads® on stage: Bill Clinton, Clint Eastwood (with chair and his arm raised as if he is pointing a forty-four magnum.) Paul Ryan, Harry Reid.)
(Same set.  A bell rings and the storeroom lights go up revealing )
Paul Ryan
What's with the chair, Mr. Eastwood?
Clint Eastwood  (Pointing his trigger finger at Ryan.)
I know what you're thinking. Did he fire six shots or only five?
Harry Reid
Wonk-wonk!.  Wonk-wonk!.  So this is your big Trump card for the Republican Convention, huh, Paul?
Bill Clinton
That depends on your definition of "Trump card", Harry.
Paul Ryan
I didn't mean to offend you, Mr. Eastwood.  The 'Donald's surprise was simply a skit where he was going to say "You're fired" to Obama stand-in, Michael Steele.  But, you, Mr. Eastwood "one-upped" him.
Clint Eastwood
Did I fire six shots or only five?  Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself.
Harry Reid
Well, Clint, Wonk-wonk!, Wonk-wonk!.  It just goes ta' show ya' that once ya' reach a certain age, words kinda' slip through and right over your tongue and take on a different meaning and force.  Wonk-wonk!, Wonk-wonk!.
Clint Eastwood
But being as this is a .44 Magnum,(Pointing his trigger finger at Ryan.) the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: ... 
Paul Ryan  (Smirking as if he knows the rest of the line.)
Do I feel lucky?
Clint Eastwood
Well, do ya',... punk?
Paul Ryan  (With snarky confidence.)
I do, because that's just your finger and we are in the real world, here, Mr. Eastwood.  Clint.
Bill Clinton  (Aside.)
Clint, they took away your permit to carry after Gran Torino.  But I'm sure you have a throw-away somewhere.
Clint Eastwood  (Continues pointing his trigger finger at Ryan.)
Go ahead, make my day.
Paul Ryan
That's Ronald Reagan's line.
Harry Reid
He stole it from Clint.  Wonk-wonk!.  Wonk-wonk!.
Bill Clinton
Depends on your definition of "stole', Harry.
Harry Reid
If I were you Paulie, I wouldn't be so damn snarky in the face of a forty-four magnum finger.  Wonk-wonk!.  Wonk-wonk!.
Clint Eastwood
Well, do ya' feel lucky, punk?  Go ahead, make my day.
Bill Clinton
Go ahead, Pauly.  Make his day.
Clint Eastwood
Bang!  Bang!  If somebody's dumb enough to ask me to go to a political convention and say something, they're gonna have to take what they get.
(Lights down.)
END

The plays, posted here, are available for production.  You may present these plays royalty free, but only with permission of Thomas M. Kelly, in writing.  No performance of his or Seamus O'Shea's plays without first notifying Thomas M. Kelly or Seamus O'Shea.  The play(s) may be produced, performed or read, before an audience, whether an admission fee is charged or not in a community theatre setting.  The above is with the exception of professional theatres:   Professional productions must receive a Professional Royalty Quote from Thomas M. Kelly at tddtheatre@aol.com  OR   Seamus O'Shea at  seamus.oshea@ymail.com  .

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