PAC VIII The Taradiddlers
by Thomas M. Kelly © 2012
SUPER
Political Action Comedy
Political Action Comedy
"SUPER PAC"
A series of ten + minute plays
by Thomas M. Kelly & Seamus O'Shea.
Comments on the politics of the times:
Before and after the 2012 Elections in theatrical format.
Characters:
WHAMor: Wobble Head Assemblage & Marketing Creator and Lord of the world of Political Wobble Heads®™, Barack Obama, Mitt Romney, Paul Ryan(where ever Mitt Romney & Paul Ryan wobble they wobble backward or side to side weaving and bobbing), Bill Clinton, Beebee Netanyahu, Bella Abzug, JFK, FDR, LBJ, HST, Sir Winston, Teddy Roosevelt, Sarah Palin, Hilary Clinton, Harry Reid, Dickie Cheeeney, Joe Biden, Karl Rove, Anne Romney, Claire McCaskill, Clint Eastwood, Todd Akin. Gabriel Gomez, John Soltz, Rudy Giuliani, Stephanie Cutter, John Bolton, Reince Priebus, Jim DeMint, Bill Kristol, Donald Rumsfeld, John Huntsman, Liz Cheeeney, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. (Any such as the establishment so chooses.)
Premise:
Wobble Head Rules:
Wobble Heads have labels "Made in China" on their backside.
Wobble Heads do not walk, they wobble side to side, and turn in place by wobbling.
Only the head on all models of the Wobble Head moves. The arms and legs are rigidly placed by their sides.
Wobble Heads are created by The Wobble Head Assemblage and Marketing, "WHAM" or "WHAMor" for short and staff of Wobble Head makers.
Set:
On a storage shelf labeled "Wobble Heads: Old and New" in the Wobble Head Warehouse Outlet.
No more than five actors on stage at one time. All other Wobble Heads do not speak unless spoken to.
Premise:
Wobble Head Rules:
Wobble Heads have labels "Made in China" on their backside.
Wobble Heads do not walk, they wobble side to side, and turn in place by wobbling.
Only the head on all models of the Wobble Head moves. The arms and legs are rigidly placed by their sides.
Wobble Heads are created by The Wobble Head Assemblage and Marketing, "WHAM" or "WHAMor" for short and staff of Wobble Head makers.
Set:
On a storage shelf labeled "Wobble Heads: Old and New" in the Wobble Head Warehouse Outlet.
No more than five actors on stage at one time. All other Wobble Heads do not speak unless spoken to.
PAC VIII: The Taradiddlers
by Thomas M. Kelly © 2012
(Taradiddle: a petty lie or pretentious nonsense.)
(Wobble Heads® s on stage: Mitt Romney, Dickie Cheeeney, Paul Ryan, Mitt Romney and Reince Priebus whose arms are bent at the elbow and swing up to his ears, alternating to his eyes at times.)
Reince Priebus
If I am asked at this Congressional hearing about the discussion of your taxes at our election strategy meetings, I have to tell the truth. Don't I?
Paul Ryan
It's not going to get that far, but a little story wouldn't be all that bad if needed or required.
Mitt Romney
Reinhold. I am the President. You will have the added insurance of Presidential, Executive Immunity. We all love insurance. Don't we? except for ObamaCare.
Reince Priebus
It's Reince, sir.
Paul Ryan
Besides, Reenie, what's a tiny white lie now and then.
Reince Priebus
It's Reince, Paul. I didn't hear that! La, La, La, La, La, La, La, taradiddle, taradiddle.
Dickie Cheeeney
Taradiddle?
Reince Priebus
A petty lie.
Dickie Cheeeney
We'll put such a spin on your "taradiddle", Prince, that you won't know the tommyrot from the bilge-water.
Reince Priebus
It's Ree-ince! I didn't hear that! La, La, La, La, La, La, La, taradiddle, taradiddle.
Paul Ryan (Interrupting. Over-speaking.)
Will you knock off the song and dance, Reenie. We were all dedicated to a cock-and-bull story to get that remaining six percent.
Reince Priebus (Interrupting. Over-speaking.)
It's Reeee-ince! No! I don't want to hear that! La, La, La, La, La, La, La, taradiddle, taradiddle.
Paul Ryan
But, you know there is the Church to think of, Mittster.
Reince Priebus
What about the Church?
Dickie Cheeeney
Yeah, what about the church, Preebie?
Mitt Romney
Reinhold? Are you worried about the tithing bit?
Reince Priebus
It's Reee-ince Preee-bus. Please! Not Reinhold! Not Preebie! I didn't hear that! La, La, La, La, La, La, La, taradiddle, taradiddle.
Paul Ryan
Not a problem. We're talking about the Mittster. The Bishop of Boston. The Stake President of Belmont, Mass. The King of Bain, the Capitol of Tuff-Moola.
Mitt Romney
That's Bain Capitol. (To Reince Priebus.) Reinhold. They're just happy to get what I decide to give them. God I love capitalism.
Reince Priebus
Please! It's Reee-nce. I didn't hear that! La, La, La, La, La, La, La, taradiddle, taradiddle.
Dickie Cheeeney
Yeah, Preencee, whatever twaddle or hokum we ... er... The Mittster decides...
Reince Priebus
Preee-ince! I didn't hear that! La, La, La, La, La, La, La, taradiddle, taradiddle.
Mitt Romney
Oh don't worry so much Reinhold. With the more than 250 million I have stashed away, life is just a fairytale anyway you look at it. God I love being an American!
Reince Priebus
I give up.
Mitt Romney
Ann is happy with her Cadillacs. Did I tell you they each have their own elevator with washroom. She even has an Escalade so she can go visit Rafalca! God she loves that horse and her Cadillacs.
Dick Cheeeney (Aside to Mitt Romney.)
I heard last night that they have pierced international bank secrecy laws, and were making a serious dent in offshore tax evasion. Did you get caught yet?
Reince Priebus
I don't want to hear that! La, La, La, La, La, La, La, taradiddle, taradiddle.
Mitt Romney
Oh, shut up, Reinhold! You ninny! What's a little inventive tax evasion among non-taxpayers?
Reince Priebus
Oh, god. Here we go again. I didn't hear that! La, La, La, La, La, La, La, taradiddle, taradiddle.
Paul Ryan
Ah, humbug, Preenie! We're in the White House aren't we?
Mitt Romney
Taxpayers are envious and drooling at the amount of wealth I have been able to hoard. God I love not paying my fair share!
Reince Priebus
Chris "Hardball" was right! Garbage! I don't want to hear it! La, La, La, La, La, La, La, taradiddle, taradiddle.
Dickie Cheeeney
How much did those fabricating inventive legalizers get, Mittster?
Mitt Romney
A minor amount. I was able to move my accounts before they glommed on to it and levied against it.
Paul Ryan
Where did you move them, Mittster?
Mitt Romney
China.
Dickie Cheeeney
Brilliant idea, Mr. President..At what inter...?
Reince Priebus (Interrupting.)
China! Why China? No! No! I don't....
Mitt Romney (Interrupting.)
On the condition that they lend it back to us...
Reince Priebus (Interrupting.)
I don't want hear it! La, La, La, La, La, La, La, taradiddle, taradiddle.
Paul Ryan (Interrupting.)
Beautiful, Mittster! What's the interest rate?
Mitt Romney (Smiling broadly.)
You don't want to know.
Reince Priebus (Closing his eyes mechanically and covering his ears.)
I didn't see or hear that! La, La, La, La, La, La, La, taradiddle, taradiddle.
Paul Ryan
But I have constituents who want to know!
Dickie Cheeeney
My closest Idaho hunting buddies and political friends need to have the opport....
Mitt Romney
You are unarmed, aren't you, Dickie? I wouldn't want any... you know?
Dickie Cheeeney
Don't worry. That bulge is because I'm just glad you're President and I'm included... again. And don't worry about the political fallout.
Mitt Romney
Oh, I'm not. Those small-minded people will soon forget. Give'em a week.
Dickie Cheeeney
Who cares what the American people want anyhow, right?
Paul Ryan
They got what we paid for!
Mitt Romney
ME!
Reince Priebus
Oh, my god! I didn't want to hear that! La, La, La, La, La, La, La, taradiddle, taradiddle.
Mitt Romney
Reinhold! You contributed your share of falsehoods, tosh, fictitiousness,...
Reince Priebus (Interrupting.)
... Tosh?
Dickie Cheeeney
You know... rubbish, twaddle, fabrications, evasiveness, lying dishonesty, deceitfulness, half-truths, exaggerations, tall tales and humbug.
Reince Priebus (Interrupting. Loudly.)
La, La, La, La, La, La, La! Taradiddle! Taradiddle!
Paul Ryan
We warned you not to go on "Morning Joe". Ole' "Hardball" Wallace pinned your nose to the wall. Didn't he? Garbage! Rubbish! Tosh!
Dickie Cheeeney (Over-speaking.)
Don't lie now Preenie. Remember Pinocchio?
Reince Priebus (Interrupting. Loudly.)
La, La, La, La, La, La, La! Taradiddle! Taradiddle!
Mitt Romney
Fellas! Fellas! I gotta' be honest with you. For once I am going to tell the truth. Yes, I didn't pay all my taxes while my money was vacationing in Switzerland. God I love capitalism. And I short-changed my fellow worshippers, by millions of dollars. God I love my Mormonism. They're as big as the Catholic's now. OK! OK! I lied.
Reince Priebus
I didn't hear that! La, La, La, La, La, La, La, taradiddle, taradiddle, taradiddle, taradiddle.
Dickie Cheeeney, Paul Ryan & Reince Priebus
La, La, La, La, La, La, La. Taradiddle, taradiddle.
La, La, La, La, La, La, La. Taradiddle, taradiddle.
Mitt Romney
Ah' like wearin' ma' jeans. Lookin' and' feelin' like local yokel folk. Ah' like that all the trees are the same height. And all the water is so blue and pure. And I have ma' own legitimate birth certificate.
Dickie Cheeeney, Paul Ryan & Reince Priebus
La, La, La, La, La, La, La. Taradiddle, taradiddle.
La, La, La, La, La, La, La. Taradiddle, taradiddle.
Mitt Romney
I lied: Israel’s GDP per capita was $31,000 in 2011 not $21,000 and Palestinians’ per capita GDP was just $1,500 not $10,000. I just got my numbers transposed. I think. Don't you?
Dickie Cheeeney, Paul Ryan & Reince Priebus
La, La, La, La, La, La, La. Taradiddle, taradiddle.
La, La, La, La, La, La, La. Taradiddle, taradiddle.
Mitt Romney
A couple more things fellas. I like ObamaCare. Barack is a good and decent man. He complimented me by copying my Massachusetts plan. As a matter of fact I like Obama. But then I prevaricate 'n' move around quite a bit. Dodge. Evade. Who was it that said, "Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee."?Dickie Cheeeney, Paul Ryan & Reince Priebus
La, La, La, La, La, La, La. Taradiddle, taradiddle.
La, La, La, La, La, La, La. Taradiddle, taradiddle.
Mitt Romney
Now the humdinger! I was never a Republican. Nope. I like being a RINO. I prefer being called a GECKO. We tend to blend in with the background.
Dickie Cheeeney, Paul Ryan & Reince Priebus
La, La, La, La, La, La, La. Taradiddle, taradiddle.
La, La, La, La, La, La, La. Taradiddle, taradiddle.
Mitt Romney
Would you call that deceptive, double-dealing, flimflamming, petty lying or pretentious nonsense or my right under the First Amendment to the U.S. Constitution: Freedom of Speech?
Dickie Cheeeney, Paul Ryan & Reince Priebus
La, La, La, La, La, La, La. Taradiddle, taradiddle.
La, La, La, La, La, La, La. Taradiddle, taradiddle.
(Lights down.)
End
The plays, posted here, are available for production. You may present these plays royalty free, but only with permission of Thomas M. Kelly, in writing. No performance of his or Seamus O'Shea's plays without first notifying Thomas M. Kelly or Seamus O'Shea. The play(s) may be produced, performed or read, before an audience, whether an admission fee is charged or not in a community theatre setting. The above is with the exception of professional theatres: Professional productions must receive a Professional Royalty Quote from Thomas M. Kelly at tddtheatre@aol.com OR Seamus O'Shea at seamus.oshea@ymail.com .
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