PAC XII: "What does it take, Johnny?"

by Thomas M. Kelly © 2012

SUPER

Political Action Comedy

"SUPER PAC"

A series of ten + minute plays 

by Thomas M. Kelly & Seamus O'Shea.

Comments on the politics of the times:

Before and after the 2012 Elections.

Characters: 

WHAMor:  Wobble Head Assemblage & Marketing Creator and Lord of the world of Political Wobble Heads®™, Barack Obama, Mitt Romney, Paul Ryan(where ever Mitt Romney & Paul Ryan wobble they wobble backward or side to side weaving and bobbing), Bill Clinton, Beebee Netanyahu, Bella Abzug, JFK, FDR, LBJ, HST, Sir Winston, Teddy Roosevelt, Sarah Palin, Hilary Clinton, Harry Reid, Dickie Cheeeney, Joe Biden, Karl Rove, Anne Romney, Claire McCaskill, Clint Eastwood, Todd Akin, Gabriel Gomez, John Soltz, Rudy Giuliani, Stephanie Cutter, John Bolton, Reince Priebus, Jim DeMint, Bill Kristol, Donald Rumsfeld, John Huntsman, Liz Cheeeney, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. (Any such as the establishment so chooses.)

Premise:

Wobble Head Rules:

Wobble Heads have labels "Made in China" on there backside.

Wobble Heads do not walk, they wobble side to side, and turn in place by wobbling.

Only the head on all models of the Wobble Head moves.  The arms and legs are rigidly placed by their sides.

Wobble Heads are created by The Wobble Head Assemblage and Marketing, "WHAM" or "WHAMor" for short and staff of Wobble Head makers.

Set:

On a storage shelf labeled "Wobble Heads: Old and New" in the Wobble Head Warehouse Outlet.

No more than five actors on stage at one time.  All other Wobble Heads do not speak unless spoken to.

PAC XI: "What does it take, Johnny?" by Thomas M. Kelly © 2012

(Wobble Heads® on stage: John Boehner and Nancy Pelosi are standing in the semi-darkness.  They are worried.)

(Set: Storeroom shelf at the Wobble Head Warehouse Outlet.)

NANCY PELOSI:

What does it take, John?  Turn on the lights!  Get the message?  Democrats want to take a victory lap.

JOHN BOEHNER:

Any excuse for more taxes.  Huh?!  Turning on the lights requires more taxes.

NANCY PELOSI:

Nice job.  Ya' figured it out.

JOHN BOEHNER:

Given the fact that Mr. Obama is all about increasing the size of government and not economic growth, the economy will probably continue to stagnate. RBS and Bank of America are forecasting 1% GDP growth next year.

NANCY PELOSI:

At the Jack Kemp Dinner, Ryan and Rubio were working so hard at putting   Who misses dessert?  Why do you conservatives hold up Jack Kemp as some kind of great intellect?  The guy never did more than win a house seat, except for being appointed as Secretary of HUD. Big Deal!

JOHN BOEHNER:

He caught a lots of passes.

NANCY PELOSI:

John.  Jack Kemp was a Quarterback.

JOHN BOEHNER:

He co-founded the American Football League Players Association.  I know that.  For sure.

NANCY PELOSI:

It is very indicative of the depth of conservative intellectualism when the two "bright stars" of conservatism are Ronald Reagan, an actor in B movies, and Jack Kemp, whose greatest accomplishments came while getting his head smashed on a football field.

JOHN BOEHNER:

Yeah.  He did get sacked a few times.

NANCY PELOSI:

Oh yeah...they also mentioned Dubya, who has all of the intellectual horsepower, and even bears a strong resemblance to Alfred E. Newman!  Not very impressive credentials!  Republicans truly are the party of the stupid, and reality and truth challenged.

JOHN BOEHNER:

Actually held the record for most sacks.  That's defense for ya'.

NANCY PELOSI:

That's a no-brainer.

JOHN BOEHNER:

Look Nancy, Ms. Pelosi, you can call me names, and give us labels, but I"d call it being smart and paying attention to history.

NANCY PELOSI:

The party that doesn't believe in evolution and thinks corporations are people and dinosaurs co-existed with people, has itself become a dinosaur and is in serious danger of becoming extinct. 

JOHN BOEHNER:

I think it's about time the Democrat leadership got serious.

NANCY PELOSI:

The GOP needs to decide and it needs to decide soon if it wants to evolve or fossilize.

JOHN BOEHNER:

Tax cuts don't cause debt, spending too much causes debt.  Returning money to those who earned it isn't irresponsible, but spending more than reasonable income is irresponsible.

NANCY PELOSI:

Look, John, I get it.  But you lost the election.  Your multi-millionaire candidate lost for obvious reasons.  He was hiding something... HIS INCOME!  And now you want to give him more income?

JOHN BOEHNER:

Let's be reasonable, Nancy.

NANCY PELOSI:

Define reasonable.  There are a great many of "We the people" who believe the taxes at the top 2 % are unreasonably low.

JOHN BOEHNER:

Please be reasonable, Nancy.  I just canned some of the most conservative members from my panel... not because they are Tea Partiers mind you, but because their voting records were kinda' iffy.  It should lead to some sort of agreement ... Don't cha' think?

NANCY PELOSI:

The simple fact is the tea party was never honest with themselves or this country.  If you want to talk about debt you have to be honest about where it came from... Tax cuts, bailouts, wars, recession, aging population, health care costs, interest on debt.....most of which started way before 2009.

JOHN BOEHNER:

Fascinating.  I recall when you lost your control of the gavel because your liberal overreach and a tendency to be spendthrifts were slapped hard by voters.  I suspect you would blame the GOP extremism as the cause.  You Democrats need only press on with your unsustainable priorities.  Funny how only GOP losses come with encouragement to look inward to examine their collective conscience, but Democrat losses simply require patience.

NANCY PELOSI:

Encourage your boys, and your twenty girls, ... we have 53, John...

JOHN BOEHNER:

Twenty-four, Ms. Pelosi.  We have 24 this term.  Hope to have more next term.

NANCY PELOSI:

Encourage them to stay their nutty course.  They need to double down on gerrymandering & voter suppression.  That move did wonders for our team Obama.  Elections are terrific 2 by 4's and the Republicans are still trying to understand what just hit them!  

JOHN BOEHNER:

We got the message, but we are not going just bend over.  2 x 4s Can certainly be used to get someone's attention.  But also, they are framing materials.  The Republican Party recognizes them as such. We are going to build ourselves a new dwelling.  Noot that the one we have is in any way not usable, but perhaps a sounder foundation this time. . . .  I will be the first to admit... Tea bags don't work very well as a foundation.  Not that what they tried to do was the wrong approach...

NANCY PELOSI:

You're beginning to understand the effect the Tea Party had on the 2010 and 2012 elections, or what the future holds until you're able to discuss honestly who funded the Tea Party.  None of the money that drove it, the garbage scientific nonsense and bigotry that responded to it, or the right-wing media that inflated it has gone anywhere but out the door.  A party that calls college snobbish and can't remember further back than 2009 or thinks the world is 5000 years old is never going to be very bright.

JOHN BOEHNER:

Of course it's never ever Mr. Obama's fault!  We know that!  Must be nice inside that bubble, no cognitive dissonance there!  HUH!

NANCY PELOSI:

Now that you have opened the door, John, so to speak to cognitive dissonance, are you aware that your Congressional district has a median household income of $43,753 .  And that your neighbor Mitch McConnell's State of Kentucky has a median household income of $41,141 -- substantially lower than the national median household income of $50,502?  Kinda like Aesops "Fox and the Grapes".

JOHN BOEHNER:

I don't understand, Nancy.  Please enlighten me.

NANCY PELOSI:

Very well.  When the fox spies grapes growing high in a tree, but fails to reach the grapes, he decides that as hungry as he is and as tempting as they are he doesn't want them after all.

JOHN BOEHNER:

Not worth the effort, huh?

NANCY PELOSI:

No.  He is stopped by the tree's height.  The farmer is a wise ass.  He  plants his vines in the shade of the tree to grow to a height that the fox can't reach even on his tippy-toes.

JOHN BOEHNER:

Smart farmer.

NANCY PELOSI:

You and McConnell are the wise ass farmers.  You keep your constituents barefoot, pregnant, if need be, and down on the farm or on the edge of town far away from opportunities, forcing them to exist by sucking on the federal teat.  Your two red states -- Ohio and Kentucky - take more in welfare "gifts" than you contribute in revenue.

JOHN BOEHNER:

That's not fair Nancy.  We are in what is commonly known as the "Rust Belt"

NANCY PELOSI:

Ah, cut the crap, Johnny.  It's time to pull your fingers out of Goober's pie to get re-elected, and you so-called 'leaders' start representing your people not Romney's 2%.
END

The plays, posted here, are available for production.  You may present these plays royalty free, but only with permission of Thomas M. Kelly, in writing.  No performance of his or Seamus O'Shea's plays without first notifying Thomas M. Kelly or Seamus O'Shea.  The play(s) may be produced, performed or read, before an audience, whether an admission fee is charged or not in a community theatre setting.  The above is with the exception of professional theatres:   Professional productions must receive a Professional Royalty Quote from Thomas M. Kelly at tddtheatre@aol.com  OR   Seamus O'Shea at  seamus.oshea@ymail.com  .