SUPER Political Action Comedy

Monday, November 19, 2012

PAC XI: "Two million pizzas!?"

SUPER

Political Action Comedy

"SUPER PAC"

A series of ten + minute plays

by Thomas M. Kelly & Seamus O'Shea.

Comments on the politics of the times:

Before and after the 2012 Elections.

Characters:

WHAMor: Wobble Head Assemblage & Marketing Creator and Lord of the world of Political Wobble Heads®™, Barack Obama, Mitt Romney, Paul Ryan(where ever Mitt Romney & Paul Ryan wobble they wobble backward or side to side weaving and bobbing), Bill Clinton, Beebee Netanyahu, Bella Abzug, JFK, FDR, LBJ, HST, Sir Winston, Teddy Roosevelt, Sarah Palin, Hilary Clinton, Harry Reid, Dickie Cheeeney, Joe Biden, Karl Rove, Anne Romney, Claire McCaskill, Clint Eastwood, Todd Akin. Gabriel Gomez, John Soltz, Rudy Giuliani, Stephanie Cutter, John Bolton, Reince Priebus, Jim DeMint, Bill Kristol, Donald Rumsfeld, John Huntsman, Liz Cheeeney, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. (Any such as the establishment so chooses.)
Premise:
Wobble Head Rules:
Wobble Heads have labels "Made in China" on there backside.
Wobble Heads do not walk, they wobble side to side, and turn in place by wobbling.
Only the head on all models of the Wobble Head moves. The arms and legs are rigidly placed by their sides.
Wobble Heads are created by The Wobble Head Assemblage and Marketing, "WHAM" or "WHAMor" for short and staff of Wobble Head makers.
Set:
On a storage shelf labeled "Wobble Heads: Old and New" in the Wobble Head Warehouse Outlet.
No more than five actors on stage at one time. All other Wobble Heads do not speak unless spoken to.

(Wobble Heads® on stage: John Schnatter (Papa John Pizza), and Robert E. Murray (Murray Energy Corporation) and Jennifer Anderson (Davis Hardware) are standing in the semi-darkness. They are worried.)

(Set: Storeroom shelf at the Wobble Head Warehouse Outlet.)

John Schnatter

Does anybody have any idea what time it is?

Robert E. Murray

It's late.

Jennifer Anderson

It's too late. I'm sure.

John Schnatter

We lost.

Jennifer Anderson

I lost control of my employees! Mitt said we could send a letter to all of our employees urging them to “Vote Romney” when they hit the polls Tuesday.

Robert E. Murray

Yup. Thas' wha' 'e said. We lost control of our young people, including those in my own family. I even offered a prayer.

Jennifer Anderson

I lost control of my company. I felt, as a business owner, a moral obligation to tell my employees the concerns I have. I see a momentous event coming.

John Schnatter  (Crying.)

Ah' lost control of mah Pizzas! That's what! Ah' promised 'em two million pizzas if they voted Romney/Ryan. Now I'm being boycotted by the millions of pizza lovers 'n' Ah' still haf'ta' pay up wi' two million pizzas. If I don't they'll go over to my competition....Pizza Hut and Domino's.  Two million pizzas. Down the tubes! For naught! (Crying. Booohooo.)

Jennifer Anderson

Symposium. I think they make better pizza.

John Schnatter

Symposium?

Robert E. Murray

What the hell is "symposium"?

Jennifer Anderson

A local pizzeria. (As from a media ad.) Authentically Greek! Authentically excellent Pizza.

Robert E. Murray

They never will know what America was like or might have been. They will pay the price in their reduced standard of living and, most especially, reduced freedom. Not as much as Mitt promised but they'll suffer, Damnit!

John Schnatter

Two million pizzas. That's another .... twenty-four to thirty-two million dollars! Dumped on a loser!

Jennifer Anderson

I just wanted to tell them that it is their choice who they vote for, but I also wanted to share with them my concerns and how I felt how their vote will impact our company: including Obamacare. If my company is impacted, my employees will be impacted.

Robert E. Murray

My regret, Lord, is that the takers outvoted the producers.

John Schnatter

My employees will pay for this! I'll find out who they voted for. I'll make them take a lie-detector test. They'll pay.... one way or another. The government will not take the cottage that I built for my family from the profits of "Papa John Pizza".

Robert E. Murray

II Peter, Chapter 1, verses 4-9 it says, “To faith we are to add goodness... . I've been good.

Jennifer Anderson

There was no threat to any individual employee, no harassment of an individual employee, this was not distributed with paychecks, it was not forced upon them. I really, really care about my employees, I really, really care about my customers and I am deeply concerned.  (Crying. Booohooo.)

Robert E. Murray

...to goodness, knowledge; to knowledge, self control... Ah' know what self-control is. Ah' lied about mah age so Ah' could work in a coal mine at the age o' 16 and provide for mah family after mah pa's minin' accident. We had nothin' but us'selves.

John Schnatter

Why are you talking like that? You graduated the advanced management program at the Harvard Graduate School of Business. Who do you think your kidding?

Robert E. Murray

Yup. But at that time, like Ah' tol' ya' we had nothin but us'selves.

Jennifer Anderson

I wanted to be respectful of everyone’s opinion and I would ask the same of them for me. Yes, I believed I was trying to influence a vote. You educate people through information. Did I force anyone or demand anything of any of my employees? No.

Robert E. Murray

... to self control, perseverance... Ah' suffered several mining accidents... why once't Ah' was hit in the head with an 18-foot steel beam. Ah' persevered. Thank ya', Lord.

John Schnatter

Did you vote for Obama/Biden and Obamacare? No. I can't ask that.

Robert E. Murray

... to perseverance, godliness... I go to church. I believe in god.

John Schnatter

How did you vote slime-ball? No. That neither.

Jennifer Anderson

I guarantee I’m not going to change California or Davis’ results with my letter. It’s a process to educate; my entire process was to educate people about what can happen if they vote for Obama.

Robert E. Murray

...to godliness, kindness... I'm a kind man. Didn't I let my

Powhatan mine unionize?

John Schnatter

Do you believe in God our almighty saviour? No. Can't touch religion.

Robert E. Murray

... to brotherly kindness, love... God, I love my employees. The've made me a multi-millionaire with their blood, sweat, tears and lungs.

Jennifer Anderson

If I discovered who posted the letter I sent, I'd tell him or her that I’m glad we have different opinions. Let’s talk about them. But before we talk, you're fired. I like firing people.

My management team knows I’m a passionate fiscal conservative. I’m sorry that I didn’t hear directly from that employee.

John Schnatter

Have you ever sinned against Papa John's Pizza?  Yeah!  Have you blasphemed against me. No. That won't work. They don't believe I'm as godlike as I think I am.

Robert E. Murray

Lord, I ask for your guidance in this drastic time with the drastic decisions that will be made to have any hope of our survival as an American business enterprise.

Jennifer Anderson

I’m hurt that some customers have chosen to boycott my store. They will not only hurt me as a Republican, but will hurt Democrats who work here, too.

John Schnatter

Two million free pizzas! Twenty-four to thirty-two million dollars! Dumped on a loser! Me and my big mouth!

Robert E. Murray

Dear Lord. The American people have made their choice. They have decided that America must change its course, away from the principals I believe in. That's okay. Their will be another election. Capitalism, economic responsibility and personal acceptance will win in the end. Mitt will not quit.  Mitt will not quit!

Jennifer Anderson

I’ll be making financial decisions which could affect how many employees I have and our healthcare. I took the time to tell my employees what the bottom line will be and the importance of their vote for Romney/Ryan, even though Romney has no real chance of winning California, now I’m getting shot for exercising my right to freedom of speech against their right to vote as their conscience guides them. Where will it all end. I need a week at Grand Cayman. Maybe two.

(Lights down.)

END

The plays, posted here, are available for production. You may present these plays royalty free, but only with permission of Thomas M. Kelly, in writing. No performance of his or Seamus O'Shea's plays without first notifying Thomas M. Kelly or Seamus O'Shea. The play(s) may be produced, performed or read, before an audience, whether an admission fee is charged or not in a community theatre setting. The above is with the exception of professional theatres: Professional productions must receive a Professional Royalty Quote from Thomas M. Kelly at tddtheatre@aol.com OR Seamus O'Shea at seamus.oshea@ymail.com .

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Mark Leibovich on Glitz and Greed in Washington

Bill talks with journalist Mark Leibovich about his latest book, This Town, a city where money rules the day and status is determined by who you know and what they can do for you. “If you can sell yourself as someone who knows how Washington works, someone who has these relationships,” Leibovich explains, “that’s a very marketable commodity. If you’re seen as someone who knows how this town works, someone who is a usual suspect in this town, you can dine out for years — that’s why no one leaves.”

In my humble opinion...

I have enjoyed being informed by Chris Matthews and MSNBC's "Hardball" for many years. He can be very excitable at times and irascible and petulant at others. Little did I realize that he could be an extremist tactician like the many 'extremists' he denounces. These extremists use the "search and destroy" method to totally obliterate someone or entity they oppose on some idealogical level. I was amazed when cruising my usual sources the other morning and Huffington Post being one of them, found this story "Phil Donahue On MSNBC Firing: Chris Matthews Was 'Threatened' By Me (VIDEO). 'Click on the icon above to link the video. I was appalled by Chris's use of the same "search and destroy" as the many "whacko nut jobs" he has denounced. Phil Donahue was a rare anti-war voice during the run-up to the Iraq War, among those voices was our President , then Senator, Barack Obama. Let me know what you think.

Readers and Writers

Thistle Dew Playwrights Workshop.......... Readers needed for Play Readings Saturday mornings at 10:00 If you would like to read new plays or if you have a play or monologue to be read and critiqued by the workshop, email Tom at tddtheatre@aol.com Prepare to bring sufficient copies for each of your characters + one for stage directions reader. Thistle Dew & Super PAC Auditions Saturday mornings at 10:00. We have created informative and highly successful 'blogs' to capture your interest and to tell you what is going on at the "Dew": The Thistle Dew Theatre: http://thistledewtheatre.blogspot.com/ The Thistle Dew Center For Literary Art: Poetry and Narrative Inquiry: http://thistledewcenterforliteraryart.blogspot.com/ Social and Political Comment "Word on the Street": http://wordstreetsmarts.blogspot.com/ Super PAC: Political Action Comedy: http://superpoliticalactioncomedy.blogspot.com/ Playwright Opportunities: http://californiaplaywrightstheirplays.blogspot.com/ The (almost) Complete Play Works of Thomas M. Kelly: http://thomasmkellyswork.blogspot.com/ NEW! Thistle Dew Theatre Playwright Workshop http://thistledewtheatreplaywrightgroup.blogspot.com/ "Click" on them and "voila", "ta-da" and "presto" there we are. If you have any problems give us a call 1-916-457-6286. Thanks, Tom and Ellie

Playwrights! You are invited to participate in creating....

SUPER

Political Action Comedy:

"SUPER PAC"

Please submit a ten minute play for this series:

Commenting on the politics of our times.

Topics: Political issues of the day from anywhere in the world.

Characters:

WHAMor: (v. o.) Wobble Head Assemblage & Marketing Creator and Lord of the world of Political Wobble Heads®™.

Political figures of the day must be depicted as Wobble Heads.

Wobble Head Rules and restrictions: Wobble Heads do not walk, they wobble side to side, back and forth, and turn in place by wobbling.

Only the head on all models of the Wobble Head moves. The arms and legs are rigidly placed by their sides with the exception of Wobble Head Clint Eastwood, (see "What's with the chair, Mr. Eastwood?" in older posts here.)

Wobble Heads are created by The Wobble Head Assemblage and Marketing, "WHAM" or "WHAMor" for short and staff of Wobble Head makers.

Set:

Black box. A storage shelf labeled "Wobble Heads: Old and New" in the Wobble Head Warehouse Outlet.

Rules and regulations for submission and engagement:

Send only one ten (10) minute play per playwright to tddtheatre@aol.com .
There is no fee for script submission and no compensation to the playwright for the use of a script submitted.
All rights will remain with the playwright.
The play must have been written by the person making the submission.
A play that has had a production is acceptable.
A play that has been published is not acceptable.
The submission should be sent by email, with the play itself as a file attached to the email, in Microsoft Word (.doc) or Apple (.pages) and (.pdf).
The script can be no longer than 10 minutes.
The title page must include script info and playwright info (your name), contact info (your email address).
The script should be in "Super PAC" format (see blog script).
Plays that are longer than ten (10) minutes will be rejected immediately.
Plays can be from anybody, anywhere in the world, but must be predominantly in English (a few non-English words and/or phrases are acceptable, however translations must be noted immediately).
The SUPER Political Action Comedy, "SUPER PAC" selection decision is final and "SUPER PAC" reserves the right to select no plays from those submitted.
The selected play will be posted on the blog as soon as "SUPER PAC" has made it's decision.
The play must reflect today's political, national or global environment (liberal, moderate or conservative) in humorous, comedic, satirical, sarcastic manner, using pastiche, mockery, burlesque, caricature, lampoon, et cetera, to expose the truth.
The play should be a complete ten (10) minute play, not an excerpt from a longer work.
Do not send your bio, résumé and list of theater achievements. "Super PAC" just wants the script in it's initial phase. If your script is selected, "Super PAC" will ask for your bio, résumé and list of theater credits.
Submission to "SUPER PAC" constitutes your permission to be posted on SUPER PAC: SUPER Political Action Comedy blog (http://superpoliticalactioncomedy.blogspot.com/

Send only one ten (10) minute play per playwright to tddtheatre@aol.com .

Playwrights

If you would like to be a part of "Super PAC: Political Action Comedy" as a contributor or participant on this page or on the Thistle Dew Theatre Stage, please submit your ten to fifteen minute play to Tom at tddtheatre@aol.com . Requirements for every applicant. Find your own media headline or create your own one page (in play format) scenario such as Harry Reid vs. Mitch McConnel (the toad) or Hillary vs. Rush Limbaugh or Eric Cantor vs. Barack Obama in a situation found in the Washington Post, Mother Jones or Politico et cetera. Hope to hear from you soon.

Call for Submissions

The Unique

Thistle Dew

Dessert Theatre

and the members of

Sacramento's Original Playwright's Workshop:

1901 P Street, Sacramento, CA

Call for submissions:

Monologues & Poetry

for our "Poems, Pie and Prose Program".

We invite you to join the fun every Saturday morning at 10:00.

Because workshopping a play is not an easy process, we need your expertise and your many talented voices to create and organize

Writer's Workshop for

Playwrights, Poets, & Novelists.

Our Workshop is often defined by what it is not: It does not require script memorization, props, costumes, or sets. All of what it is "not" makes our workshop a wonderful experience for the actors/readers and especially the audience. Space and time can be shrunk or stretched, fantastic worlds can be created, marvelous journeys can be enacted. The Thistle Dew Playwright's Workshop provides a laboratory setting for writers, actors and audiences to explore the limits of the creative expression, presentation and interpretation of a unique art form: playwriting. Our Workshop frees the performers and the audience from the physical limitations of conventional theater, letting the imagination soar. By one definition our workshop is a discussion group. By another, it is a factory. According to most lexicons it is a process by which a dramatic or comedic play is read, and by means of improvisation and intensive group discussion, aspects of the production, are explored

before formal rehearsals and final staging begin. To accomplish this we need seasoned actors, voice over specialists and readers to read, critique and present our plays, poems, novels, et cetera. We have many dialogues requiring different voices, accents, et cetera.

We may even convince you that you can write a monologue or a poem!

Even a three minute play!

You could be a part of a fun group. Come, enjoy the magic of Theater in the making!

916-457-6286, or tddtheatre@aol.com

Thank you!

From Tom and the members of the

Thistle Dew Playwrights' Workshop

See you at the Thistle Dew Theatre, 1901 P Street, Downtown Sacramento,

Saturday morning at ten o'clock!

Check out the Thistle Dew Theatre Blog

http://thistledewtheatre.blogspot.com/

SUPER Political Action Comedy

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Monday, November 19, 2012

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