SUPER Political Action Comedy

Friday, November 2, 2012

PAC II: Why are you staring at

my breasts, Joe?

by Thomas M. Kelly

SUPER
Political Action Comedy

"SUPER PAC"

A series of ten + minute plays
by Thomas M. Kelly & Seamus O'Shea.

Comments on the politics of the times:

Before and after the 2012 Elections in theatrical format.

Characters:

WHAMor: Wobble Head Assemblage & Marketing Creator and Lord of the world of Political Wobble Heads®™, Barack Obama, Mitt Romney, Paul Ryan(where ever Mitt Romney & Paul Ryan wobble they wobble backward or side to side weaving and bobbing), Bill Clinton, Beebee Netanyahu, Bella Abzug, JFK, FDR, LBJ, HST, Sir Winston, Teddy Roosevelt, Sarah Palin, Hilary Clinton, Harry Reid, Dickie Cheeeney, Joe Biden, Karl Rove, Anne Romney, Claire McCaskill, Clint Eastwood, Todd Akin. Gabriel Gomez, John Soltz, Rudy Giuliani, Stephanie Cutter, John Bolton, Reince Priebus, Jim DeMint, Bill Kristol, Donald Rumsfeld, John Huntsman, Liz Cheeeney, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. (Any such as the establishment so chooses.)
Premise:Wobble Head Rules:Wobble Heads have labels "Made in China" on their backside.Wobble Heads do not walk, they wobble side to side, and turn in place by wobbling.Only the head on all models of the Wobble Head moves. The arms and legs are rigidly placed by their sides.Wobble Heads are created by The Wobble Head Assemblage and Marketing, "WHAM" or "WHAMor" for short and staff of Wobble Head makers.Set:On a storage shelf labeled "Wobble Heads: Old and New" in the Wobble Head Warehouse Outlet.No more than five actors on stage at one time. All other Wobble Heads do not speak unless spoken to.

(Wobble Heads® on stage: Hillary Clinton, Joe Biden, Paul Ryan, Sarah Palin and Dickie Cheeeney.)

[Same set. Two days later. A bell rings and the storeroom lights go up revealing that Mitt Romney (where ever Mitt Romney wobbles he wobbles in a backward motion) is gone and two new Wobble Heads® Joe Biden and Paul Ryan are on the shelf. All Wobble Heads® are standing erect, in alphabetical order and in a neat row except for Paul Ryan and Joe Biden. They are facing each other in a 'stock boy' stare down. The shelf is still packed with Wobble Heads®, (Suggestions): HST, Bella Abzug, César Chávez, JFK, FDR, Sir Winston, Queen Victoria, LBJ, Ty Cobb, Nat King Cole, Jackie Robinson, Howard Cosell, Jesse Owens, Hank Snow, John Wayne, Kitty Wells, Hank Williams, Ronald Reagan, et cetera. Behind Paul Ryan, Harry Reid is wobbling back and forth saying "Wonk, wonk, wonk, wonk," continuously.]

Hillary Clinton

Why are you staring at my breasts, Joe.

Joe Biden (Aside to Hillary Clinton.)

I'm not staring at your breasts, Hillary. I'm staring at Paul Ryan's new Bobble Head. "This is a big fuckin' deal," Hillary. I'm chompin' at the bit here. Lemme' at 'im.

Harry Reid

Wonk-wonk! Wonk-wonk!

Paul Ryan (To Harry Reid.)

Will you knock it off, Harry!

Dickie Cheeeney

Aside from the f-bomb, Paul, it looks like you made it to the big time! I wouldn't have chosen you for my VP because you remind me of a twelve-year-old with the mistaken belief that you carry some authority.

Paul Ryan (Interrupting.)

This forty-two year old is running with authority. You're not running old man.

Dickie Cheeeney

Right. Heh-heh-heh. I'm not running. After you and Mitt lose to Obama and Biden, I may decide to run against Mrs. Clinton in 2016. Better yet, I could convince her to run on the same ticket. At least we know what we're doing.

Paul Ryan

Dream on old man, but anything can happen.

Hillary Clinton

You're losing it old man. I have more foreign policy experience than any fifty of you Republican fanatics and uncompromising zealots.

Joe Biden

Paul! What'd'ya' say, Paul? Welcome to WHAM! Game on? Before you respond, "I hope you enjoyed the day with your family," 'cause it was your last enjoyable day until November seventh.

Harry Reid

Wonk-wonk! Wonk-wonk!

Paul Ryan

Yes, when we Republican take the White House back for the people. (To Harry Reid.) Will you knock it off, Harry!

Joe Biden

I'm not going to let up on you. I'm just itchin' to show the American public what a small minded policy wonk you are. "I look forward," now there's a word you've avoided. "I look forward to engaging you on the clear choice voters face this November."I can't wait until our debates. Let's have a couple, Paul. Maybe three or four. How about right now.

Paul Ryan

I'd love to engage you in more than one debate Joe. We "will face-off in one nationally-televised vice presidential debate". It will be an hour and a half long, and limited to certain issues. Beyond that we will debate on the television and radio news programs, our internet blogs, et cetera. I have already laid out my plan to ... er ... Mitt's plan to get our country back.

Harry Reid

Wonk-wonk! Wonk-wonk!

Paul Ryan (To Harry Reid.)

Will you knock it off, Harry!

Joe Biden

Back from where, Paul? Back from the brink of total destruction you and your other policy wonks led us? Policies of the former Republican administration. The you want to clone and put back into place? Policies of the arrogant Cheney leading the ignorant Bush? Oh, hello Dickie. Be afraid, Paul. Be very afraid of me, Paul

(To the awed surprise of all the other Wobble Heads®, Paul Ryan walks, does not wobble, the length of the stage and then back to confront Joe Biden face to face.)

Paul Ryan (Smirking.)

You don't frighten me Joe. You can wobble anywhere you want. I'll be there. Waiting.

Joe Biden, Hillary Clinton, Harry Reid, Sarah Palin and Dickie Cheeeney

Ooooooooooooooooooooo.

WHAMor

Scary stuff for mere Wobble Heads. Heh-heh. Ladies and gentlemen! Introducing my newest Wobble Head product.... The Trobble Head!

Joe Biden

So? He can walk. Big fuckin' deal.

WHAMor

Ladies and gentlemen Wobble Heads, the new Trobble Head can walk. He can talk. He can make mad passionate love. He can hate diabolically. He can wave "Hello" and "Good-by" with his fully functional arms and hands. He can kick your ass if you give him the opportunity. So Wobble Heads, watch yer back.... sides!

Joe Biden

We don't turn our backs on any Republicans, especially Tea Partiers. I'm a sly old Senate fox. Can he think faster than me? I served thirty-six years in the Senate, representing the great state of Delaware.

Paul Ryan

I've served twelve years as Congressman from great state of Wisconsin since nineteen ninety-nine. ...

Harry Reid

Wonk-wonk! Wonk-wonk!

Paul Ryan (To Harry Reid.)

Will you knock it off, Harry!

Joe Biden (Interrupting. Overspeaking at "since".)

Twelve years? Young man, I have shoes in my closet older than that. Your new hair style looks like you just got out of bed.

Paul Ryan

It's called "bed head". I'm playing to the youth vote. What d'ya' think?

Joe Biden

It sucks. In 2009 I joined one of the greatest presidents ever elected, Barack Obama, to lead this country back from the worst financial meltdown since the great depression. We did it! And we're doing more each and every day, despite the log jam your "do-nothing Congress" has created.

Hilary Clinton

My husband, Bill,... you all remember Bill, "The Big Dog Who Owns the Big Stage", left you a balanced budget but you and Bush added five trillion dollars to the national debt. At the time, you were a junior member of the house of Representatives with little or no clout.

Harry Reid

Wonk-wonk! Wonk-wonk!

Paul Ryan (To Harry Reid.)

Will you knock it off, Harry!

Hillary Clinton

To get that clout you became a reliable Republican vote for policies that were key in causing enormous federal budget deficits: sweeping tax cuts to the rich, a costly prescription-drug entitlement for Medicare, two wars, the multibillion-dollar bank-bailout: TARP. You even commented on the embarrassment it has caused you. But in truth you're nothing but a political hack opportunist.

Joe Biden

Here's a topic you can think on until our debate or unless I bring it up on the internet or on Bob Schieffer's Face the Nation: How did you pay for your college education?

Paul Ryan

I can answer that here and now. I saved all the Social Security benefits awarded to me after my father's death.

Harry Reid

Wonk-wonk! Wonk-wonk!

Paul Ryan (To Harry Reid.)

Will you knock it off, Harry!

Joe Biden

So. You made it through college using Uncle Sam's highway to prosperity: Social Security. You didn't get to college on your own, did you?. You had Uncle Sam's help. Now that you have yours, ta' hell with everyone else. Right? Did you ever work a salaried day job in your life?

Paul Ryan

In college after my sophomore year I worked at McDonald's and I worked summers as a salesman for Oscar Mayer, I even drove the Oscar Mayer Weinermobile.

Joe Biden

That's the extent of your private sector job experience?

Hillary Clinton

You want to create individual accounts for each citizen but they would still be managed by the Social Security Administration, and invested in stocks and bonds? Am I right?

Paul Ryan

That plan, privatization, didn't cut any benefits, however, unlike you, I only make right turns.

Harry Reid

Wonk-wonk! Wonk-wonk!

Paul Ryan (To Harry Reid.)

Will you knock it off, Harry!

Joe Biden

So much of a right turn that the Bush administration called it "irresponsible". It would have had an astronomical price tag".

Paul Ryan

It was called "privatization" of Social Security Accounts.

Joe Biden

A nightmare. You have trouble sleeping, don't you Paul? Does your mother know where you are? Does she want you to cut her medicare? If your plan didn't get shelved but was made into law and we had another "melt-down", a Social Security recipient who invested in the stock market or bonds would get what in benefits? Zero. Zip. Nada. This is leadership? Pie in the sky, voodoo economics? You think, therefore your thoughts should be law?

Paul Ryan

That plan has since been shelved as my mainstream proposal.

Harry Reid

Wonk-wonk! Wonk-wonk!

Paul Ryan (To Harry Reid.)

Will you knock it off, Harry!

Joe Biden

Damn right it was. I have another nightmare for you Paul: Joe Public is in the hospital with a broken arm. Using actual and anticipated payment reform for your health care program, and the expanded use of information technology to drive clinical decisions about whether it is cheaper to amputate his healthy but broken arm or... is it cheaper to set it in a cast? You get an added bonus: if either fails they will let you succumb to "Ryan’s brand of toxic medicine" and do nothing.

Hillary Clinton

Why do all you Republican politicians have a stupid grin or a smirk like Dubya? What is that all about?

Harry Reid

Wonk-wonk! Wonk-wonk! They are confident that they are putting one over on us: shafting us. Wonk-wonk! Wonk-wonk!

END

The plays, posted here, are available for production. You may present these plays royalty free, but only with permission of Thomas M. Kelly, in writing. No performance of his or Seamus O'Shea's plays without first notifying Thomas M. Kelly or Seamus O'Shea. The play(s) may be produced, performed or read, before an audience, whether an admission fee is charged or not in a community theatre setting. The above is with the exception of professional theatres: Professional productions must receive a Professional Royalty Quote from Thomas M. Kelly at tddtheatre@aol.com OR Seamus O'Shea at seamus.oshea@ymail.com .

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Mark Leibovich on Glitz and Greed in Washington

Bill talks with journalist Mark Leibovich about his latest book, This Town, a city where money rules the day and status is determined by who you know and what they can do for you. “If you can sell yourself as someone who knows how Washington works, someone who has these relationships,” Leibovich explains, “that’s a very marketable commodity. If you’re seen as someone who knows how this town works, someone who is a usual suspect in this town, you can dine out for years — that’s why no one leaves.”

In my humble opinion...

I have enjoyed being informed by Chris Matthews and MSNBC's "Hardball" for many years. He can be very excitable at times and irascible and petulant at others. Little did I realize that he could be an extremist tactician like the many 'extremists' he denounces. These extremists use the "search and destroy" method to totally obliterate someone or entity they oppose on some idealogical level. I was amazed when cruising my usual sources the other morning and Huffington Post being one of them, found this story "Phil Donahue On MSNBC Firing: Chris Matthews Was 'Threatened' By Me (VIDEO). 'Click on the icon above to link the video. I was appalled by Chris's use of the same "search and destroy" as the many "whacko nut jobs" he has denounced. Phil Donahue was a rare anti-war voice during the run-up to the Iraq War, among those voices was our President , then Senator, Barack Obama. Let me know what you think.

Readers and Writers

Thistle Dew Playwrights Workshop.......... Readers needed for Play Readings Saturday mornings at 10:00 If you would like to read new plays or if you have a play or monologue to be read and critiqued by the workshop, email Tom at tddtheatre@aol.com Prepare to bring sufficient copies for each of your characters + one for stage directions reader. Thistle Dew & Super PAC Auditions Saturday mornings at 10:00. We have created informative and highly successful 'blogs' to capture your interest and to tell you what is going on at the "Dew": The Thistle Dew Theatre: http://thistledewtheatre.blogspot.com/ The Thistle Dew Center For Literary Art: Poetry and Narrative Inquiry: http://thistledewcenterforliteraryart.blogspot.com/ Social and Political Comment "Word on the Street": http://wordstreetsmarts.blogspot.com/ Super PAC: Political Action Comedy: http://superpoliticalactioncomedy.blogspot.com/ Playwright Opportunities: http://californiaplaywrightstheirplays.blogspot.com/ The (almost) Complete Play Works of Thomas M. Kelly: http://thomasmkellyswork.blogspot.com/ NEW! Thistle Dew Theatre Playwright Workshop http://thistledewtheatreplaywrightgroup.blogspot.com/ "Click" on them and "voila", "ta-da" and "presto" there we are. If you have any problems give us a call 1-916-457-6286. Thanks, Tom and Ellie

Playwrights! You are invited to participate in creating....

SUPER

Political Action Comedy:

"SUPER PAC"

Please submit a ten minute play for this series:

Commenting on the politics of our times.

Topics: Political issues of the day from anywhere in the world.

Characters:

WHAMor: (v. o.) Wobble Head Assemblage & Marketing Creator and Lord of the world of Political Wobble Heads®™.

Political figures of the day must be depicted as Wobble Heads.

Wobble Head Rules and restrictions: Wobble Heads do not walk, they wobble side to side, back and forth, and turn in place by wobbling.

Only the head on all models of the Wobble Head moves. The arms and legs are rigidly placed by their sides with the exception of Wobble Head Clint Eastwood, (see "What's with the chair, Mr. Eastwood?" in older posts here.)

Wobble Heads are created by The Wobble Head Assemblage and Marketing, "WHAM" or "WHAMor" for short and staff of Wobble Head makers.

Set:

Black box. A storage shelf labeled "Wobble Heads: Old and New" in the Wobble Head Warehouse Outlet.

Rules and regulations for submission and engagement:

Send only one ten (10) minute play per playwright to tddtheatre@aol.com .
There is no fee for script submission and no compensation to the playwright for the use of a script submitted.
All rights will remain with the playwright.
The play must have been written by the person making the submission.
A play that has had a production is acceptable.
A play that has been published is not acceptable.
The submission should be sent by email, with the play itself as a file attached to the email, in Microsoft Word (.doc) or Apple (.pages) and (.pdf).
The script can be no longer than 10 minutes.
The title page must include script info and playwright info (your name), contact info (your email address).
The script should be in "Super PAC" format (see blog script).
Plays that are longer than ten (10) minutes will be rejected immediately.
Plays can be from anybody, anywhere in the world, but must be predominantly in English (a few non-English words and/or phrases are acceptable, however translations must be noted immediately).
The SUPER Political Action Comedy, "SUPER PAC" selection decision is final and "SUPER PAC" reserves the right to select no plays from those submitted.
The selected play will be posted on the blog as soon as "SUPER PAC" has made it's decision.
The play must reflect today's political, national or global environment (liberal, moderate or conservative) in humorous, comedic, satirical, sarcastic manner, using pastiche, mockery, burlesque, caricature, lampoon, et cetera, to expose the truth.
The play should be a complete ten (10) minute play, not an excerpt from a longer work.
Do not send your bio, résumé and list of theater achievements. "Super PAC" just wants the script in it's initial phase. If your script is selected, "Super PAC" will ask for your bio, résumé and list of theater credits.
Submission to "SUPER PAC" constitutes your permission to be posted on SUPER PAC: SUPER Political Action Comedy blog (http://superpoliticalactioncomedy.blogspot.com/

Send only one ten (10) minute play per playwright to tddtheatre@aol.com .

Playwrights

If you would like to be a part of "Super PAC: Political Action Comedy" as a contributor or participant on this page or on the Thistle Dew Theatre Stage, please submit your ten to fifteen minute play to Tom at tddtheatre@aol.com . Requirements for every applicant. Find your own media headline or create your own one page (in play format) scenario such as Harry Reid vs. Mitch McConnel (the toad) or Hillary vs. Rush Limbaugh or Eric Cantor vs. Barack Obama in a situation found in the Washington Post, Mother Jones or Politico et cetera. Hope to hear from you soon.

Call for Submissions

The Unique

Thistle Dew

Dessert Theatre

and the members of

Sacramento's Original Playwright's Workshop:

1901 P Street, Sacramento, CA

Call for submissions:

Monologues & Poetry

for our "Poems, Pie and Prose Program".

We invite you to join the fun every Saturday morning at 10:00.

Because workshopping a play is not an easy process, we need your expertise and your many talented voices to create and organize

Writer's Workshop for

Playwrights, Poets, & Novelists.

Our Workshop is often defined by what it is not: It does not require script memorization, props, costumes, or sets. All of what it is "not" makes our workshop a wonderful experience for the actors/readers and especially the audience. Space and time can be shrunk or stretched, fantastic worlds can be created, marvelous journeys can be enacted. The Thistle Dew Playwright's Workshop provides a laboratory setting for writers, actors and audiences to explore the limits of the creative expression, presentation and interpretation of a unique art form: playwriting. Our Workshop frees the performers and the audience from the physical limitations of conventional theater, letting the imagination soar. By one definition our workshop is a discussion group. By another, it is a factory. According to most lexicons it is a process by which a dramatic or comedic play is read, and by means of improvisation and intensive group discussion, aspects of the production, are explored

before formal rehearsals and final staging begin. To accomplish this we need seasoned actors, voice over specialists and readers to read, critique and present our plays, poems, novels, et cetera. We have many dialogues requiring different voices, accents, et cetera.

We may even convince you that you can write a monologue or a poem!

Even a three minute play!

You could be a part of a fun group. Come, enjoy the magic of Theater in the making!

916-457-6286, or tddtheatre@aol.com

Thank you!

From Tom and the members of the

Thistle Dew Playwrights' Workshop

See you at the Thistle Dew Theatre, 1901 P Street, Downtown Sacramento,

Saturday morning at ten o'clock!

Check out the Thistle Dew Theatre Blog

http://thistledewtheatre.blogspot.com/

SUPER Political Action Comedy

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Friday, November 2, 2012

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